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Them: Why We Hate Each Other--and How to…
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Them: Why We Hate Each Other--and How to Heal (edició 2019)

de Ben Sasse (Autor)

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Something is wrong. We all know it. American life expectancy is declining for a third straight year. Birth rates are dropping. Nearly half of us think the other political party isn't just wrong; they're evil. We're the richest country in history, but we've never been more pessimistic. What's causing the despair? In Them, bestselling author and U.S. senator Ben Sasse argues that, contrary to conventional wisdom, our crisis isn't really about politics. It's that we're so lonely we can't see straight--and it bubbles out as anger. Local communities are collapsing. Across the nation, little leagues are disappearing, Rotary clubs are dwindling, and in all likelihood, we don't know the neighbor two doors down. Work isn't what we'd hoped: less certainty, few lifelong coworkers, shallow purpose. Stable families and enduring friendships--life's fundamental pillars--are in statistical freefall. As traditional tribes of place evaporate, we rally against common enemies so we can feel part of a team. No institutions command widespread public trust, enabling foreign intelligence agencies to use technology to pick the scabs on our toxic divisions. We're in danger of half of us believing different facts than the other half, and the digital revolution throws gas on the fire. There's a path forward--but reversing our decline requires something radical: a rediscovery of real places and human-to-human relationships. Even as technology nudges us to become rootless, Sasse shows how only a recovery of rootedness can heal our lonely souls. America wants you to be happy, but more urgently, America needs you to love your neighbor and connect with your community. Fixing what's wrong with the country depends on it.… (més)
Membre:Kittylicks
Títol:Them: Why We Hate Each Other--and How to Heal
Autors:Ben Sasse (Autor)
Informació:St. Martin's Griffin (2019), Edition: Reprint, 288 pages
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Them de Benjamin E. Sasse

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Watching the U.S. Capitol being under siege on January 6, 2021 by supporters of the outgoing President points out just how polarized our Country has become. Disputing election results is something which I think of as occurring in third world countries or emerging democracies, but not in modern, established democracies. The peaceful turnover of the Presidency had been, until this week, a hallmark of U.S. elections.

This recent election, and the fight to overturn the results got me wondering when and how did the United States become so politically polarized? Why does half the country believe that president-elect Biden won the election, and the other half remain convinced that the election was stolen from President Trump?

I recently found three books written in the past couple of years which look at how and when the U.S. became so polarized. The books are "The Red and the Blue: The 1990s and the Birth of Political Tribalism", by Steve Kornacki; Ezra Klein's book "Why We're Polarized"; and Republican Senator Ben Sasse's book "Them: Why We Hate Each Other - and How to Heal". Each looked at the causes of our current polarization, and each had a somewhat different take on the question. Kornacki looked at the influence Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich had on polarization in Congress starting around the 1990s. Ezra Klein had a somewhat broader look, pointing out how the switch of the Dixiecrats in the South from the Democratic Party to the G.OP after passage of Civil Rights legislation allowed the two political parties to better align ideologically. And Senator Sasse looks beyond one man or one group of politicians, and takes a broader view, examining how society has changed in the past 50 years. People, in his opinion, are becoming more isolated, more captive to social media and cable news - all of which is making voters more blind to similarities among friends, neighbors, and fellow Americans.

I can't say that any of these books totally answered the question about polarization conclusively, but each contains insights which helped me gain a better understanding of the issues. Unfortunately, none gave me the sense that polarization will diminish or politics will be getting less combative in the short term.

I initially considered trying to discuss all three books together, but because of the length that would take, I felt it was necessary to look at each one at a time. I'll starting here with "Them: Why We Hate Each Other - and How to Heal", by Nebraska Republican Senator Ben Sasse. He links the current political polarization to the changes in society over the past 50 years. Senator Sasse points out that instead of the close-knit society of the past, where neighbors knew neighbors, doors were left unlocked, etc., people today have become more isolated, more distracted by technology such as cell phones, cable TV, electronic games, etc. Personal connections and interactions are now done via twitter, facebook, ZOOM, and any number of other social media sources. We've become more isolated within those social media spheres, deal less with those outside our self-identified groups, and deal more and more only with like-minded people. We interact in person much less, whether through organizations like Elks Clubs or Rotary, or through organized activities such bingo nights, bowling leagues, etc. Today, there are less shared activities and more isolation.

With our busy lives and busy jobs, we find more and more reason to simply stay home. And while fifty years ago, staying home meant most people saw similar programming on their TVs, since most had only 3 or 4 stations, now we have hundreds to choose from. Previously, people saw the same shows and chatted around the water cooler about them with people they knew. Even if people disagreed about elements of the shows, the conversations were between and among people we knew, and it wasn't as easy to "hate" them if they held different beliefs or opinions. Today, with so many movies, cable shows, and streaming shows to watch, we're hearing and seeing much different forms of entertainment and news.

Another change is how people get their news. Fifty years ago, people watched Walter Cronkite on CBS, Huntly and Brinkley on NBC, or Frank Reynolds on ABC, and had their local newspapers. These news sources were from journalists who tried to give it to us straight and factual. Now, most people get their "news" from social media on their phones or tablets, supplemented by their favorite cable TV politicized commentators. You can select your personal programming from far left sources or far right sources, and never hear a contrary point of view. Sasse points out what most of us already know, e.g., that clicking on a particular news item on your laptop or tablet links you in to more similar "news" articles. Opening articles and sharing them with like minded family and friends makes you a good consumer of electronic media, and you're fed more and more similar articles by the computer algorithms. Before long, we're seeing and hearing more and more "news" stories from a particular perspective, sources which comfort us in our beliefs and feed our biases. Before long, we're only seeing information from one perspective, and sharing that with a small circle of like-minded friends and family. We become isolated in our own bubble, and people outside the bubble become "others", "them", and "not like us".

Sasse points out how group identity is important to us as humans, and we are protective of our groups. People not in our group are outsiders, wrong, and unwelcomed. Politically, we become more polarized simply because of our lifestyles and behaviors. He also emphasizes that as we consume a certain brand of news, we become less and less tolerant of other's perspectives. Cable news shows, by design, are meant to excite us, entertain us, reinforce our beliefs and biases, and demonize the other side. That's what gets people talking, e.g., "did you see what so-and-so just said on his program?" Sasse has criticisms of outlets from both the left and the right. He points out a number of instances in which liberal shows have ignored or downplayed news which favored a conservative position, but does admit and point out situations in which Conservative talk shows did the same about liberal positions. He also provides a nice explanation as to why so many conservatives have come to think of the media as being biased and "fake news".

He leaves us with a few thoughts, things which we all can consider, each simple steps. First, he points out the danger of adopting an "US" vs. "THEM" mentality. He gives a simple example of being a sports fan as an eight year old boy. Passions ran deep watching the home town football game playing against the cross town rivals. It was "us" vs. "them", and hostility in the air. That was the norm until he went to a Nebraska vs Utah State football game. Suddenly, his hated opponents from his cross-town rival's school were sitting with him in Nebraska red colors, jointly rooting for their team against their common opponent. It opened his eyes to the fact that he actually had a lot more in common with his cross-town neighbors than he thought. One lad, he became friends with, was actually an (oh the horrors) Oklahoma football fan. So he realized that "the other" can be much more like ourselves than we realize if we get to know them. Bears vs Packers; Yankees vs. Red Sox; Alabama vs. Auburn; Ohio State vs. Michigan; etc. shouldn't lead to fist fights in the stands, vandalizing cars in the parking lots, etc. Rivalries are OK, and can be good in motivating us to play better, work harder. But don't let less important differences swallow up the more important things we share. We're all Americans. We're neighbors. Getting spun up by media personalities on talk radio should make you stop and think. They have an agenda, and their program manager knows that outrage sells. Don't buy into that. Debating policy differences with someone makes sense. Demonizing your debate partner does not. Also, he points out, we need to stop holding political candidates on "our" side to lower standards than we expect from candidates on the "other" side. If your candidate has been committing election fraud, campaign financing offenses, sexual harassment, etc., you don't have to vote for the candidate simply because you habitually won't vote for the other party. Facts matter. Truth matters. Lying matters. Stop absolving bad actors on "our" side simply because you can't or don't want to vote for someone from the "other" side. And learn to separate fact based journalism from opinion commentary / entertainment.

Another reminder he offers is to put politics in its proper place. He talked about going on a fact finding mission as a Senator to Afghanistan with a member of the opposing political party. In the Senate, they didn't agree much on policy positions, But in a war zone, they found that they weren't so different in many ways. Soldiers in war zones, when you need each other to survive, can find out that you're not so different after all, regardless of which political party you belong to. He advises us to look at what's important, commonality, shared values. Another worthwhile tip is to read George Washington's Farewell Address and what he said about Political Parties. I Googled it, and felt it was well worth reading. It complements Sasse's book very nicely.

And lastly, another take-away is get out and get involved in your community. Volunteer, join a local club or organization, get engaged. Introduce yourself to your new neighbor down the hall or across the street. It's good for you, and good for your community. If you interact more with others in your community, you may find that they're not all that different from you. Log off of Facebook, put away cell phone, take a walk outside, and get to meet your neighbors. Prioritize the important things - be a more involved parent, spouse, partner, or neighbor. Political party shouldn't be the main thing we're concerned with. There is dignity in all people. Policy divides are not most important thing, and taken to extremes can lead to events such as what just occurred when protesters took over the Capitol. People, spouses, parents, friends died.

One item Senator Sasse mentioned, and this may not be something each of us can or will do, did prove beneficial. He mentioned two individuals from opposing parties who agreed to listen to a political entertainment show from the other side, e.g., a progressive / liberal listened to Fox talk shows for a week, and the conservative listened to MSNBC talk shows for a week. When this happened, both individuals had a better understanding of the others' position, and both ended up watching much less political talk shows.

So, as mentioned above, while Steve Kornacki's book "The Red and the Blue" and Ezra Kline's book "Why We're Polarized" give insights as to how society today became much more polarized, Senator Ben Sasse's book "Them: Why We Hate Each Other - and How to Heal" looks at the question from a more personal viewpoint. He concludes with practical ideas which are well worth doing, even if it had nothing to do with politics or polarization. They are good for the individual, and good for the community. And if they help bring people together and make liberals and conservatives more understanding, more compassionate, so much the better. ( )
  rsutto22 | Jul 15, 2021 |
In this book Ben Sasse spoke about so many of the things I felt relating to lack of community and ultimately loneliness that I had not been able to articulate no matter how hard I tried. Specifically, the quote "We are all alone together" resonated very strongly with me.

Ultimately, I'm not sure if the book gave much actionable advice about how to fix our current situation as a society besides general advice like avoiding excessive cell phone use (to be more "present") and to try harder to emphasise with other people and think critically about why they might arrive at the different conclusion then you did.

At the very least, the book made it clear to me that I wasn't alone in what I was feeling about lacking a sense of belonging and "rootedness".

I'm so happy, I read this book and would highly recommend it to anyone on the fence.

As an aside the book does not focus on the politics in the US, even though the author is a US politician, I know that politics has a tendency to polarise people so I thought I would mention it.
( )
  arashout | Dec 13, 2020 |
Finally, a voice of reason. Never thought I'd agree with a conservative Republican from Nebraska, but that is exactly the point of this book - finding things upon which to agree and not letting differences become divisions. Sasse seems to relegate his conservatism to his politics and policies rather than his total world view or his ability to interact with others. He is not a blind party follower and did not vote for Trump, choosing instead to do a write-in candidate. He is principled and has integrity and a concept of being a public servant rather than a power-wielding politician. This is a well-thought-out treatise on the ways we have become isolated (technology, social mobility) and rather than having the traditional foundation of family, we seek other substitutes like Facebook friends. Or we align with others against something rather than for something. He has served as a college president, so he values education and sees the merit in open-mindedness and discussing differing opinions rather than shouting about them. I've been re-reading some of our country's founding documents this year: the Declaration, the Constitution, the Federalist Papers and some speeches by Washington and Lincoln. All, like Sasse, extol the virtues of a common good, and warn against factions and divisions. We are currently on a path completely divergent from the original intent of our founding fathers. Sasse offers excellent examples of what to do and what not to do from both parties and also some really concrete actions we can all do going forward. Feeling smug or powerless is not an option. Thinking about making this required reading in my household. ( )
  CarrieWuj | Oct 24, 2020 |
An important book for our time. A remarkably non-partisan look at our current social climate. (Political and otherwise). Includes useful ideas for progressing forward in a way that would be productive and ultimately lead to productive dialog and a competition of ideas that should lead to a brighter future. It would be great if it was read and understood and applied. I'm not very hopeful. Worth the read, just doubt most people will bother. ( )
  Skybalon | Mar 19, 2020 |
I took this one out because I thought it would get political. I was pleasantly surprised.

People in America are divided along many lines; race, religion, political ideals, socioeconomic status, and other demographics. Ben Sasse explores the reasons why in this timely and incisive book. It is fantastically interesting while being clear at the same time.

Historically, Americans had many tribes; groups that they could join to stave off the intense pain of loneliness. However, those traditional bastions of togetherness are gradually eroding away. From Church service to Rotary Clubs and other such programs, people are dropping out and not being replaced. Little Leagues are fading, neighbors don’t check on each other, our social structure is losing its stability. Now you may read that previous sentence and smile at the maudlin sentimentality dripping from it, but loneliness is a serious issue.

To illustrate this, Sasse turns to the 1995 Chicago heatwave. Many of the people that died in that heatwave did not have someone to check on them or make sure that they were okay. So their rotting corpses weren’t found until days later when they were fully ripe and perceptible from outside their door. Is that what you would want? Probably not. I can’t imagine someone wanting to die alone and unwanted.

Even when it comes to job satisfaction Sasse says we are losing. Back in the day you lived in your neighborhood, knew everyone and played with everyone. The child of the police officer would play with the child of the mechanic. This was aided by the fact that people kept their jobs and felt an identity with them. However, that too has changed. People keep the same job for about four years now on average, electing to have some kind of long-distance impersonal relationship with their co-workers. The advancement of technology has also exacerbated the rift between classes. The rich are getting richer while the poor are getting poorer. When you are poor, you don’t have a lot of the same advantages that a rich person would have. Say you are the child of a single mom. Dad is a deadbeat that hasn’t ever paid child support, you live practically hand to mouth. Do you really have the money or connections to enter into college and drag yourself up by your bootstraps? The answer to that is also probably not.

Take me for instance. I don’t particularly like my neighbors; they are rude and noisy. They have a terrible taste in music and the source of their income is rather veiled and unusual. I wouldn’t trust them to check on my home or even mow my lawn if I wasn’t around.

Sasse has solutions to this in his book. This too is interesting. I would recommend this book to almost anyone I know, and even those I don't know. The book is just that good. ( )
  Floyd3345 | Jun 15, 2019 |
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Something is wrong. We all know it. American life expectancy is declining for a third straight year. Birth rates are dropping. Nearly half of us think the other political party isn't just wrong; they're evil. We're the richest country in history, but we've never been more pessimistic. What's causing the despair? In Them, bestselling author and U.S. senator Ben Sasse argues that, contrary to conventional wisdom, our crisis isn't really about politics. It's that we're so lonely we can't see straight--and it bubbles out as anger. Local communities are collapsing. Across the nation, little leagues are disappearing, Rotary clubs are dwindling, and in all likelihood, we don't know the neighbor two doors down. Work isn't what we'd hoped: less certainty, few lifelong coworkers, shallow purpose. Stable families and enduring friendships--life's fundamental pillars--are in statistical freefall. As traditional tribes of place evaporate, we rally against common enemies so we can feel part of a team. No institutions command widespread public trust, enabling foreign intelligence agencies to use technology to pick the scabs on our toxic divisions. We're in danger of half of us believing different facts than the other half, and the digital revolution throws gas on the fire. There's a path forward--but reversing our decline requires something radical: a rediscovery of real places and human-to-human relationships. Even as technology nudges us to become rootless, Sasse shows how only a recovery of rootedness can heal our lonely souls. America wants you to be happy, but more urgently, America needs you to love your neighbor and connect with your community. Fixing what's wrong with the country depends on it.

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