Kanchan Bhaskar

An abusive marriage filled with domestic violence is one of the worst possible outcomes of a marriage. While betrothed, it can be hard to foresee this result, but it can take a lifetime to recover from the trauma. If children are involved, they, too, can be scarred with worse mental health outcomes. Sometimes, social constraints – such as living in a patriarchal culture or under a country’s oppressive, misogynistic legal system – can make matters worse instead of providing a way out. All of these ingredients were at play for Bhaskar. Though from a supportive, progressive family, she was entrapped in India by numerous factors. Courageously, she found ways out of each formidable challenge and achieved freedom in the United States for her and her now adult children. She tells her inspiring story in this book.

I’ve read stories of domestic violence before, and each survivor strikes me as courageous. Their tales remind me of traumas in my own life (although my personal traumas pale by comparison). Like many of these survivors, Bhaskar’s challenges involve a spouse, probable mental illness, narcissism, and alcoholism. She encounters coincidental life events and conversations from random strangers which light the path for her. Actively listening for good answers, she fortunately took these opportunities.

What’s new and different in this story, to me, is the context on the Indian subcontinent. Bhaskar is entrapped in a patriarchal society where the husband has complete legal rights to beat up his wife. There, divorce is neither favorably looked upon by society nor easy to accomplish by the legal system. Her loving family arranged a marriage for her, as is custom, and was soon horrified at the result. But they, like she herself, were powerless to change the situation without great effort. Though holding a higher caste position as a Brahmin and with a Master’s degree to boot, Bhaskar required decades of effort to escape and heal. She also managed to save her children, too – no small feat in a legal system where the male retains almost all rights.

For Bhaskar, the United States, with more progressive legal frameworks, represents freedom. She and her children (now adults) seem to have found happiness, peace, and contentment here. Hindu spirituality, featured prominently in this tale, plays a prominent role in their lives. As a Christian with a different religious language, I could not follow all of the spiritual ecstasies described in this book, but I was able to understand their rightful place in the overall narrative.

This book is another memoir of someone overcoming abuse, only with the twist of being embedded in Indian culture. Her story provides a pointed critique of Indian society and hopefully will add more fuel to the fire for political and social reforms in the world’s largest democracy. She never lets that political angle become the most prominent part of her story, but it’s clearly in the background. Indian-American audiences, themselves simultaneously caught up in both American and Indian cultures, should appreciate the social insights Bhaskar offers. Escaping domestic abuse requires personal strength, and doing so by emigrating halfway across the world requires even more. This inspiring journey can encourage readers to make the most of their lives.… (més)