Victor L Brown (1)

Bad news: To heal troubled relationships, you have to work on yourself.
Good news: To heal troubled relationships, you don't need to wait for someone else to change.

This book contains hard advice, stuff difficult to swallow. Not bad advice, just the kind that we (I) don't like to receive. I read so many good books that contain good advice, but yet feel stuck in the same "good" habits that I have had for decades, and with the same weaknesses that I have had just as long.

He recommends that we learn human relations by observing what people do.

"Self-definition is the conscious effort a person makes to decide who he or she wants to be. It encompasses the work necessary to gain control over our attitudes and behavior – that is, self-discipline. Out of these efforts devolves self understanding, and knowledge of who we are and why we behave as we do. These three phases and the steps within them are the framework of our discussion on human relationships." (Page 21)

"Self-definition begins as we accept responsibility for our own attitudes and behaviors. It flourishes as we decide who and what we will be and we set out to act accordingly. Along the way we improve our ability to relate to other people, respect their needs, and appreciate them for what they are, not for what we require them to be." (page 24)

"In the next three chapters we shall examine how to achieve self-definition by developing relationships skills, selecting values and trades and gaining masculine or feminine security. Self-definition may encompass other elements too, but certainly these three proven essential." (Page 33)

Chapters
1. Enriching and Healing Relationships
2. Where Is Truth?
3. Self-Definition
4. Self-Definition: Developing Development of Relationship Skills
5. Self-Definition: Selecting Values and Traits
6. Self-Definition: Gaining Masculine or Feminine Security
7. Self-Discipline
8. Self Understanding
9. Self Understanding: Family Relationships
10. Self Understanding: Personality and Character
11. Self Understanding: Reconciliation of Personality and Character
12. Sexual Relationships
13. Love

Chapter 7: Self Discipline: Chapter Summary: "There are many methods by which to achieve self-discipline. Many books and articles are available that specify techniques, but all are based upon the same principle: work, mental and emotional." (Page 78)
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