Rachel Hills

In the 1940s and 1950s, Kinsey study data research was released and it provoked a great deal of controversy whilst it also opened up society’s collective eyes to the spectrum of human sexuality. Over the following decades, we have seen a blossoming of sexual revolutions and continuing discussions of sexuality, identity and expression. Yet with all of the openness and conversation, there has also been a great deal of stereotyping, idealising, moralising, proselytising and most of all, it seems, mythicising of the sexual lives and nature of the people in society.

Enter Rachel Hills and this book. While it is a type of risqué that may cause you some disconcert to read a book that sports a fluorescent yellow cover that proclaims it’s lascivious title “The Sex Myth” inside a popping pink exclamation mark on the train, it is not as saucy as it sounds. Instead, it is filled with an intelligent, witty and altogether easy narrative to read from cover to cover. It is armed with real life conversations, observations and insights with a dash of facts and figures, to challenge and enlighten the reader around a range of social conventions built on the mythos of silver screens, romance novels, fairy tales, magazines, advertising and our own social preconceptions.

This book isn’t trying to be some kind of oracle or ground breaking research paper, it is simply articulating the confusing mixed messages individuals have to deal with through the eyes and voices of those who have been willing to share. We read about how society makes people feel and react to these influences - from those who are asexual to transgenderism through to those who are on a journey of sex shopping. We read about how sex is a significant force in our lives - affecting our emotions, self-worth and expression - yet, simultaneously, how there is an unbalanced externalisation of the discussion of sex that undermines and overshadows the other elements of social interaction and connectivity.

More than anything, this book is less about trying to educate society than educate the reader on how we perceive, internalise and feel about sex, sexuality, identity and preferences. Where once sexual freedom seemed to be about freedom from being told what not to do, now there is a blur between between what is considered “normal” and “deviant” sexual behaviour, whether “too much” or “not enough” sex is considered abnormal or even a problem. This narrative of interviews, eMails, observations and facts helps readers gain a sense of choice of sexual freedom that comes not from being told what (not) to do, but what they ultimately decide it is for them.

I enjoyed this book and yes, I’d recommend it for everyone who wants to read a well researched and written book about sex, society and the individual without the blemish of moral proselytising or obfuscating scientific objectiveness.

You know, I’d go further and say that this is a book that I would give to parents and tell them they should read and then hand over to their teenagers and adolescents. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that everyone should read this and then hand it over to the magazine editors, reporters, journalists, novelists, screenwriters and advertising executives within their families and group of friends as well.… (més)

A valuable piece of work, but one that left me a bit frustrated. The author has clearly decided to aim for as broad an audience as possible, which meant that sections of this felt a bit shallow to me. I wanted a stronger research base, and more engagement with existing literature, but I guess I am a social researcher. I was also put off by Hills' insistence on describing the appearance of every one of her interviewees. It was weird. Having said all of that, there's plenty to appreciate in this book - and Hills makes her important points clearly and strongly.… (més)

I received that ARC from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

Overall Impression: Hills does a great job of bringing to light a new form of sexual monitoring that as sprung from our new "sexual freedoms" however, to call this a full-scale investigation like the description says is a little over-the-top.

Recommended for: Anyone interested in sex and sexuality studies, as well as those who have ever felt that their sex life doesn't add up to everyone else's.

This was an interesting book to read. Many studies and books tend to focus on the increase of sexual activity in today's society compared to just a couple decades ago. We even see it in media and magazines. Articles about increasing your sex drive and how to have more sex are constantly being written and circulated online and in magazines. However, these articles and studies have given many the impression that everyone is having sex but them. With the help of interviews from a variety of people from across the western world, Rachel Hills shows us that this isn't necessarily the truth.

While we have all seen that sex has become less of a taboo than it was once viewed as, the idea of sex as being something to be done in moderation after marriage has really just been replaced be new taboos that can sometimes be just as damaging and ostracizing. Mainly, Hills points out that the current view of what a healthy sex life looks like (regular, multiple partners, and slightly adventurous) is actually far from the reality. In fact, this idea of healthy sexual relationships often becomes a source of anxiety for those whose sex lives, or lack thereof, look different from the one that society has said is the right way to have a sex life. Much like people were looked down on for having sex, now those who don't have sex are seen as deviants or sexually repressed.

This society has become a rather sex-centric one, yet the sex that is often seen on television or read about in our bestselling books isn't representative of the sex that the general population is having. In fact, there is a population of those who choose to abstain from sex just because they don't need it in their lives. Yet, the fact that they aren't having sex often—or aren't having the kind of sex that most talk about, i.e. BDSM or fetishes—brings them anxiety since the socially accepted image of a healthy sex life is so narrow that many struggle to fit within that mold.

Hills book is here to tell us that our sex lives are not abnormal or unhealthy. The thing that makes many people's sex lives unhealthy is trying to force their lives to fit into this mold. It's the misconception about how, when, how much, and with whom that people are having sex that actually cause unhealthy habits to form. While this book isn't full of statistics and numbers, it becomes clear through the many interviews that she has conducted that we need to start rethinking sex...again. We need to become more open to other forms of sexuality and sex lives. We need to stop calling those who don't have sex prudes and those who enjoy something that is—to society's standards—abnormal perverts. And lastly, we all need to figure out what kind of sex lives we want to lead and become comfortable with ourselves and our needs. This self-acceptance—and hopefully a change in the general mindset of the population—will lead to a less anxiety-filled and more satisfied existence for all.

If you've ever felt anxious about your sex life not matching up with expectations—and I'm sure many of us have—then I would suggest you read this book. It was highly informative, well-written, and the interviews depicted a wide variety of lives that reveals that most people don't fit into a nice little mold. Most of us deviate in some way from the "norm" and we shouldn't feel shy or awkward about it, because really, the "norm" is not being normal. Which I guess means that there really is no "normal" when it comes to our sex lives. I will leave the philosophers to ponder that one out.… (més)