Bunmi Laditan

Although I’m not Black, or female, or a Jewish Christian, I can’t say that I never feel a bit like this. (Why is it like this, God?) Although I don’t actually direct this at God himself so much anymore—I’m just disturbed by all the fucking white people and white Christians and liars…. I’ve never met a moron who didn’t have any political opinions or want to be a ruler, even if they were as dumb as a rock and as geared to healthy sociability as U-boat commanders are to making commerce work for everyone. They never seem to say, I’ll just work hard at my job for the betterment of my country; it’s always, The world is 200 years old—that proves that Jesus really is Hitler, and I’m the president of forever, bitches!

But God? God re-reads Psalm 2, and laughs; God prepares a very special place for white people who are psychotic liars. —Hmm, you had every opportunity, but you chose to use your power to…. Pretend that you were helpless and oppressed by the people you spent your life crushing, and disdained ideas like changeability and mercy, wow, me, I think the best place for you might be…. Wait, I have to look this up, just to be sure…. Well, let me ask you. If I let a liar into my pad forever, who would I be and what would happen? —You’d be the devil and they’d steal all your passwords and then case the joint! —Hmm. Good point. But Maybe I’d come to an agreement with the fucker, and— —No! To hell! To the magma pit! —Ok! If those are the rules! —Aaaaaaaaa!

*shrugs*

She gets really dove eyes at God, too, though. It’s hard to reproduce the essence of both moods in one sitting. Although if you counted words or whatever, I don’t think it would be that many or that long, but it’s not a book to be rushed, almost like prose poetry or something…. She puts a whole page of emotions into just a few lines.

She’s also very indeterminate in her conception of God—referred to in the second person simply as You—possibly because of her Jewish/Christian borderland status, although if you think about it, it’s also a lot like a contemporary Christian song.

…. Sometimes it’s just nice to notice what you’re feeling, (David instead of Paul); a tightness in the body (anger), [being on a bike and playing chess at the same time (argumentative)], a sense of being lost at sea (fear), or being light as a feather (happiness). Of course, sometimes it is nice to know why there are afflictive emotions—the weather’s nice again so the chauvs (that I know personally) are back in town—but it’s like, *hands*, I can’t change the weather.… (més)