December 2011: The Tender Land

Check back on December 5!

Started the book this morning and was immediately hooked - just as you warned, Terri. Have been putting off boring tasks and stealing every spare moment to read. Nearly half finished already.

I've just started this book but should be able to discuss in a day or two.

Sandy, glad to hear that the book hooks people. I could use something like that. Lately, my books don't at all rope me in.

I'm going to finish it tonight. I got so close last night but then I started playing with my pictures online. This is a book I'll be thinking of for some time... maybe a forever book like A Tree Grows in Brooklyn... or The Moonflower Vine.

My copy still hasn't come in, so I'll be posting after that. Soon, hopefully!

Then I won't say much about it, except to say that it's my new favorite "You've got to read this book!" book.

I finished the book this evening and have to say that I really enjoyed it. I'm eager to hear comments from everyone.

I finished this afternoon. I don't know what to say yet, but I'm ready to discuss when everyone else is.

I LOVED it! Thanks, Terri. That's another book I never would have discovered on my own.

I don't want to rush anyone, but are we nearly ready to begin a discussion?

I say let's go.

I think that what I liked best about this book is how she didn't just tell the story of Sean's suicide and its effect on the family. She interspersed their life before and after, and not just all about Sean. I mean, the measure of his life wasn't that one incident, and although it colored their lives afterwards, they had to continue to live, and they did.

I hope this wasn't too much for you, Sandy.

I had a cousin who was killed in a car accident when he was 17 and I was 15. I could see a lot of similarities in the two families, even though the circumstances were different. For years, we couldn't say anything about it to my aunt, and thus we never spoke to his siblings about it. Last year, my sister and I were having dinner with his two sisters (40 years after the fact), and Chris mentioned it was the anniversary of Danny's accident. We spent the whole night talking about him, and it was the greatest fun we had ever had. Jenny & I learned things we had never known, and Chris & Nancy learned things from us that they never knew, and it was a great evening. That was how this book made me feel.

And I will say that it prompted me to ask each of my sons if they had ever considered suicide and what the circumstances were (2 nos, 1 yes, but i knew that one). It prompted some interesting talk.

Thanks for your concern, Terri, but I was OK with this book. If Bill's death had been a suicide, I'm sure I would have had a very different reaction to it. But, thankfully, that was not the case.

I loved the parts that told stories about the family, and about interactions between family members, both before and after. What really struck me was how this family - even many years later - was still careful about bringing Sean up. I didn't get the feeling that the entire family sat around the big dining table and talked about his death. Obviously, they talked about him generally, since the grandchildren knew about him, but they didn't know how he died.

She talked a lot about depression and, towards the end, her own suicidal thoughts as a teen. I got the feeling that she was still really working through this when she wrote the book. That was the part of the book I liked least.

I really liked this family. I like their closeness and acceptance of one another.

I really liked this family, too, especially the father. I can't imagine snuggling up to my dad (the Colonel) in bed every night like they did. He helped offset some of the mother's depressive actions - like not being able to get out of bed. Depression is a cruel disease. I was glad to get KF's insight about the role it plays in suicide.

I put this book on my short list for Santa Dave as I NEED to own a copy!

I'm only halfway through, but already it is one of the very small handful of nonfiction books that made me cry (the scene where they're all sitting around watching the movies on New Years Eve). Like everyone else, I really liked this family too.

They're just so normal, and I think that's what makes them appealing. There is plenty of depression to go around (as in most normal families), and yet there's that resilient spirit that keeps popping up. And it's interesting that the depression Kathleen Finneran felt wasn't caused by Sean's death--it was there before, and remained after, and yet, life goes on. When I met her, she was a very nice person, but quiet and seemed very, very shy. I suspect that's how she is.

I finished this book yesterday. Wow!

One of the things I really liked about the book was the way it was organized. It wasn't linear, time-wise (the trigger event for Sean's suicide wasn't revealed until one of the last chapters), and it wasn't presented as "Sean's suicide and the aftermath". It was almost like a conversation (one-sided), sitting around a table, while the author talked about her family as they came into her head.

I'm with you, Jen. I thought the way the book was organized (or lack thereof) is what really set it apart for me.

It is a WOW book! Terri, I didn't think of KF as being shy. Do you know if she is working on another book?

I had the same question Donna? I would really like to read something else by her. I wondered if the intimate, familiar feel she evokes in her readers is specific to this very personal book for her.

I also felt the books organization worked very well. Much more interesting than telling the story chronologically, I think.

Teri, tell us more about meeting her. . .

There isn't too much to tell. It was on the Indie Bookstore Cruise in May, and she was one of the featured authors. She was one of the authors who had lunch with the group, but, like I said, she was very quiet. A lovely smile, but she used it very cautiously, if you know what I mean. I haven't heard, and can't find out anything about whether she is writing another book, although she has made some contributions to anthologies. Here is a link to a short interview she did in the St. Louis Beacon earlier this year:
http://www.stlbeacon.org/arts-life/books/110539-interview-with-kathleen-finneran

She teaches writing at Washington University in St. Louis. There is an email address for her on the WUSTL website. I seriously considered sending her a link to our conversation here, but wasn't sure how it would be accepted. I would expect she'd be tickled, but I sure don't want to be pushy. What do you all think?

I would be tickled, if people were discussing a book I wrote! I don't think it is pushy. She can always ignore the email, after all.

So even though the book was told from Kathleen's point of view, I have to say that the sibling I most identified with was Mary. I wonder if it is an oldest-daughter thing (although, since it is just me and my little brother, an only-daughter thing) - having to be the one who always goes and helps out in the kitchen, maintaining contact with siblings, etc. (Although I did move 1000 miles away, which my folks don't like at all.)

I agree with Jen. I would think Ms. Finneran would be pleased to know we are so appreciative of this wonderful book. I'm taking my Mobius copy back to the library so it can be sent back to St. Louis Community College. I'd like to share one of my favorite quotes from Kathleen's father: "...life isn't always all or nothin'. Sometimes it's a little here and a little there." (Pg. 208) I loved that line of homespun wisdom from somebody who has learned it the hard way.

I didn't really identify with anyone in the family. My family was small - only my older brother and me - and my father was absent much of the time with his military career, sometimes for a year or two at a time! I think that is why I was so taken with the father as he seemed to be the father of my dreams.

Kathleen, if you read this post, I want to say thank you for your beautifully rendered portrait of a loving family undergoing a terrible tragedy. And, please write another book! I have a strong hunch I'm getting this one for Christmas, and I promise to buy your next book as well. ;-)

Teri, I think it would be fine to send Ms. Finneran a note to let her know how much we all appreciated her book. She may be interested in reading our comments - I see no reason not to send the link.

K.F. As is apparent from our comments, we were really impacted by your story and the loving way you have written about your family. Looking forward to reading more of your work . . .