Live and let live


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Live and let live

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jul. 10, 2007, 5:32 pm

I work very hard to accept people as they are and not assume that they are just like me. Myers-Briggs is one of many things that shows how different we all are. Yet I frequently encounter people who seem compelled to use the many tools of coercion (ridicule, scorn, etc.) to try to force me into a little mold -- even people I am close to who should know me better than that.

I found this quote at that sums it up well: "If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong. Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view. Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly. Or yet if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be. I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you." -- David Keirsey, "Please Understand Me II"

I am sure that we all have experienced this phenomenon in some degree. Any thoughts?

jul. 12, 2007, 2:11 pm

I've never felt it necessary to make an effort to accept anyone and do not feel the machinations of others working against me. Sorry.

jul. 13, 2007, 6:30 am

I think the quote's been a bit misinterpreted. Leaving someone alone to be who he is isn't the same as "accepting" someone, and simply because people wish others were like them (a very common wish, which almost everyone experiences if but for a nanosecond) that doesn't mean there are any "machinations" involved.

Anyway, my mother (ESTJ) is very much like this. I know for a fact that she wishes I were more like her or at least more like someone "normal." She's made mostly off-hand comments about it, though she struggled in the past to get me to be Catholic (what she considers "normal" and is what she is) and go out and be social, supposedly like everyone else. She is not terribly thrilled about my introverted ways, and she's not as ecstatic about my avid interest in reading.

I'll admit that I often wish she were at least a little bit more like me. But then, that's what I have my dad for! (Not really.) He is an ISTJ, and so he's one step closer to me. I think he rarely wishes I were any different; he's much more tolerant and understanding. I'm likewise with him, but when we get into tiffs, I wish he were more like me.

It's a nice goal to be able at least to tolerate people of different kinds--and, being tossed into society, it's what we must do to an extent--but it can be extremely difficult with certain people. I suppose one can only avoid those types, "deal with" others, and be happy with the few that we can genuinely fall in with.

jul. 14, 2007, 1:42 am

1 > I am sure that we all have experienced this phenomenon in some degree. Any thoughts?

I think this is likelier to happen if one is female. People are sometimes taken aback by INTJ women - especially the analytical aspect, which some people perceive as "unfeminine". (Sheesh.)

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