12wonderY
On Instagram saw this:
When I was a kid, I died and my dad told me to walk it off.
In the comments someone reminded me of another phrase used in those circumstances :
“It’ll get better before you get married.”
When I was a kid, I died and my dad told me to walk it off.
In the comments someone reminded me of another phrase used in those circumstances :
“It’ll get better before you get married.”
2Esborrat
OK, well, you did ask:
He doesn't know ...
sh*t from Shinola.
enough to pour p*ss out of a boot
enough to pound sand down a rathole
He is as happy as if he were in his right mind.
Do you walk or carry your lunch? (standard answer to stupid question)
A dollar two ninety-eight (standard answer to impertinent question about how much something cost or how much someone made)
Do you want me to put the boots to you? (a threat Dad never delivered on)
He doesn't know ...
sh*t from Shinola.
enough to pour p*ss out of a boot
enough to pound sand down a rathole
He is as happy as if he were in his right mind.
Do you walk or carry your lunch? (standard answer to stupid question)
A dollar two ninety-eight (standard answer to impertinent question about how much something cost or how much someone made)
Do you want me to put the boots to you? (a threat Dad never delivered on)
3Crypto-Willobie
Your face will freeze like that.
Were you born in a barn?
C'mere, and I'll give you something to cry about.
I don't know whether to shit or go blind.
and a variation... Do you walk to school or carry your lunch?
Were you born in a barn?
C'mere, and I'll give you something to cry about.
I don't know whether to shit or go blind.
and a variation... Do you walk to school or carry your lunch?
42wonderY
>3 Crypto-Willobie: And when the lower lip was jutting out:
A bird is gonna come by and build a nest there.
Eventually just a hand gesturing a flying bird and tweeting got the point across.
A bird is gonna come by and build a nest there.
Eventually just a hand gesturing a flying bird and tweeting got the point across.
5WholeHouseLibrary
My father: Never assume anything ... except perhaps, a three and a half percent mortgage.
Curiously, about fifteen years after I was first given that sage advice, Tony Randall uttered it in an episode of The Odd Couple.
Curiously, about fifteen years after I was first given that sage advice, Tony Randall uttered it in an episode of The Odd Couple.
6Tess_W
Mother:
If everybody was jumping off a cliff, would you do that, too?
When I didn't eat : There are starving children in Africa.
Father:
If God meant you to have holes in your ears you would have been born that way.
If everybody was jumping off a cliff, would you do that, too?
When I didn't eat : There are starving children in Africa.
Father:
If God meant you to have holes in your ears you would have been born that way.
8librorumamans
Save your breath to cool your porridge!
Over my dead body!
Over my dead body!
9perennialreader
My dad: Do you want me to knock a knot on your head?
Me: Well, yes Daddy, I would like that very much. Thank you. (of course I never said that, just thought it) :)
Me: Well, yes Daddy, I would like that very much. Thank you. (of course I never said that, just thought it) :)
10Concinnous
"Money doesn't grow on trees you know." - My dad every time I asked for something that cost three dollars or less.
11John5918
"I'll give you something to cry about" (>3 Crypto-Willobie:) was a common one.
"Who's she, the cat's mother?" was used by my mum whenever we referred to someone as "she" without making it clear who it was. Funnily enough I don't recall any male equivalent.
My dad used to use the term "clear the decks" to refer to any form of clearing up or preparation, even though he was never in the navy and had no seafaring connections. Mind you, he did read the entire Hornblower series more than once, so maybe that's where he got it from.
A strong piece of advice from my dad was always to pay up front and never be in debt, which included credit, hire purchase, loans, bank overdrafts, etc. The only debt he ever had in his life was the house mortgage, which was an accepted thing in UK in those days. His philosophy was to live within your means, and if you wanted to buy anything, save up for it and wait until you can afford it. Instant gratification was not part of post-war austerity Britain, and all the large items which we gradually acquired (central heating, TV, fridge, car, etc) were fully paid for at the time of purchase. I've followed his advice in my own life, and even though I have a credit card for convenience (try hiring a car or booking a hotel without one), I assiduously pay it off at the end of every month.
"Who's she, the cat's mother?" was used by my mum whenever we referred to someone as "she" without making it clear who it was. Funnily enough I don't recall any male equivalent.
My dad used to use the term "clear the decks" to refer to any form of clearing up or preparation, even though he was never in the navy and had no seafaring connections. Mind you, he did read the entire Hornblower series more than once, so maybe that's where he got it from.
A strong piece of advice from my dad was always to pay up front and never be in debt, which included credit, hire purchase, loans, bank overdrafts, etc. The only debt he ever had in his life was the house mortgage, which was an accepted thing in UK in those days. His philosophy was to live within your means, and if you wanted to buy anything, save up for it and wait until you can afford it. Instant gratification was not part of post-war austerity Britain, and all the large items which we gradually acquired (central heating, TV, fridge, car, etc) were fully paid for at the time of purchase. I've followed his advice in my own life, and even though I have a credit card for convenience (try hiring a car or booking a hotel without one), I assiduously pay it off at the end of every month.
12TeaBag88
When I was in trouble as a kid (often!) my parents would sometimes "give me the benefit of the doubt".
I never had a clue what they were talking about.
I never had a clue what they were talking about.
13Limelite
"You're fat enough, and old enough, and ugly enough to do it yourself." (fondly)
"Since god wore diapers." (how long have you been. . .?)
"Thimk!" (for careless errors)
"I'm satisfied quite. No more can I bite." (after good meal)
"Get a move on!" (quit dawdling)
"Since god wore diapers." (how long have you been. . .?)
"Thimk!" (for careless errors)
"I'm satisfied quite. No more can I bite." (after good meal)
"Get a move on!" (quit dawdling)
14Crypto-Willobie
For 'get a move on' we had the rather more vulgar
"Shit, or get off the pot!"
"Shit, or get off the pot!"
15Limelite
>14 Crypto-Willobie: Your version is used in our house when referring to indecisiveness, "Make up your mind!" "Get a move on," only for hurry up. Gad to learn of other uses in other venues. Culture, don'tcha know.
16CindyLJ
"Don't make me stop this car" This will vary depending on your location... "Don't make me get up out of this chair".
Don't make me tell your daddy.
Go cut me a switch.
Don't make me tell your daddy.
Go cut me a switch.
18WholeHouseLibrary
Not something my parents told me, but something I've said to my kids (now all in their 30s) and others when the say (or write) things that make no sense ...
But first, background:
Setting - My first 5 minutes on the job as a computer operator trainee for the computers that ran both NYSE and AMEX.
Preface - My foot brushed against a storage cabinet upon which rested the main console for the computer. There was also a printer attached that created a hard copy of everything that appeared on the console.
The screen momentarily displayed a message and went blank. I couldn't hear the printer because this tiny box sitting next to it emitted an alarm so loud, it could be heard in New Jersey. And suddenly, there were easily 50 people in front of me asking what I had done, except for the VP, who reminded me very much of Sam, the Eagle from the Muppet Show. Easily a foot taller than anyone else there, he scowled, repeatedly slapping the back of his right hand into the palm of his left, and kept saying, "Names. I want names."
Later, he and I had lunch together. The computer had crashed (by design, it turns out) and was in the process of rebooting.
So, that message that disappeared from the console had actually printed out before the reboot read:
"The interpretation of meaningless data has been attempted."
Yeah, I've found I have to say it a lot more often than I feel I should.
But first, background:
Setting - My first 5 minutes on the job as a computer operator trainee for the computers that ran both NYSE and AMEX.
Preface - My foot brushed against a storage cabinet upon which rested the main console for the computer. There was also a printer attached that created a hard copy of everything that appeared on the console.
The screen momentarily displayed a message and went blank. I couldn't hear the printer because this tiny box sitting next to it emitted an alarm so loud, it could be heard in New Jersey. And suddenly, there were easily 50 people in front of me asking what I had done, except for the VP, who reminded me very much of Sam, the Eagle from the Muppet Show. Easily a foot taller than anyone else there, he scowled, repeatedly slapping the back of his right hand into the palm of his left, and kept saying, "Names. I want names."
Later, he and I had lunch together. The computer had crashed (by design, it turns out) and was in the process of rebooting.
So, that message that disappeared from the console had actually printed out before the reboot read:
"The interpretation of meaningless data has been attempted."
Yeah, I've found I have to say it a lot more often than I feel I should.
19Crypto-Willobie
>17 CindyLJ:
or Don't make me come up there...
or Don't make me come up there...
20TeaBag88
As a kid I genuinely believed that he in the pulpit of the church was saying; in the name of the father and of the son and in the hole he goes.
I must have been under 5 years old at the time 'cos that's when I worked out how to sneak off on Sundays and I've never been back to church since.
Any other misunderstandings from the pulpit, or words of school hymns ?
I must have been under 5 years old at the time 'cos that's when I worked out how to sneak off on Sundays and I've never been back to church since.
Any other misunderstandings from the pulpit, or words of school hymns ?
21WholeHouseLibrary
Not from the pulpit, but from my aunt -- my mother's sister who was closer in age to their mother than each other. Her reaction to surprising news was to exclaim, "Saint Perversus!" I must have heard her say it hundreds of times throughout my life.
As an adult with then, two children of my own, and she being on the far side of eighty and living alone now in the house she grew up in, I would visit her when I could, especially after a snowstorm -- just to make sure there was safe ingress and egress for her or anyone else.
And one of these times, while talking with her after the job was done, over coffee at 10:30 at night, she uttered that phrase again, so I decided to ask her about it. Having gone through nine years in a parochial school, (more accurately described as 18th century England,) I was exposed to the lives and special favors granted by the saints (i.e., lesser gods), but I had never encountered a Saint Perversus.
She had to muddle that one over for a while. Still sharp as tack, but now challenged with the origin story of her most-evoked patron saint, she faltered, muttering that phrase over and over for a good three minutes.
Then she broke out into a bug smile, then started laughing to the point of tears in her eyes. Seriously, I hadn't seen her express this much unfettered joy and humor EVER! She was a very stoic person; rarely smiled, but now, she just let it all out. I'm glad I asked.
Saint Pervesus is a time-eroded slurring of, "Saints, preserve us."
As an adult with then, two children of my own, and she being on the far side of eighty and living alone now in the house she grew up in, I would visit her when I could, especially after a snowstorm -- just to make sure there was safe ingress and egress for her or anyone else.
And one of these times, while talking with her after the job was done, over coffee at 10:30 at night, she uttered that phrase again, so I decided to ask her about it. Having gone through nine years in a parochial school, (more accurately described as 18th century England,) I was exposed to the lives and special favors granted by the saints (i.e., lesser gods), but I had never encountered a Saint Perversus.
She had to muddle that one over for a while. Still sharp as tack, but now challenged with the origin story of her most-evoked patron saint, she faltered, muttering that phrase over and over for a good three minutes.
Then she broke out into a bug smile, then started laughing to the point of tears in her eyes. Seriously, I hadn't seen her express this much unfettered joy and humor EVER! She was a very stoic person; rarely smiled, but now, she just let it all out. I'm glad I asked.
Saint Pervesus is a time-eroded slurring of, "Saints, preserve us."
22Tess_W
>20 TeaBag88: Raised as a Quaker. We always sang "Bringing in the Sheaves." For the longest time I thought the words were "Bringing in the sheeps"! My sister later told me she always thought it was "bringing in the cheese."
Also, the Christmas carol "We Three Kings" (I think it's actual title is something else), but the first line is: "We three kings of Orient Are" I thought "Orient Are" was an actual place.
In the Christmas carol "Away in a Manger" there is a line "the cattle are lowing", I thought it was "the cattle are lonely".
My experiences are musical as my mother was a choir director and pianist.
Also, the Christmas carol "We Three Kings" (I think it's actual title is something else), but the first line is: "We three kings of Orient Are" I thought "Orient Are" was an actual place.
In the Christmas carol "Away in a Manger" there is a line "the cattle are lowing", I thought it was "the cattle are lonely".
My experiences are musical as my mother was a choir director and pianist.
23WholeHouseLibrary
My first wife really believed John Fogerty was singing, There's a bathroom on the right."
24John5918
>22 Tess_W:
Or, as we learn in Monty Python's Life of Brian, "Blessed are the cheese makers".
As for "We three kings", there were several popular versions in my younger days.
We four Beatles of Liverpool far
Paul in a taxi, John in a car
George on a scooter beeping his hooter
Following Ringo Starr.
And considered a little risque at the time and probably in poor taste nowadays but here presented for the historical record, with apologies,
We three kings of Leicester Square
selling ladies' underwear
How fantastic, no elastic
Buy your wife a pair.
Then another carol,
While shepherds washed their socks by night
All seated round the tub.
A bar of Fairy soap came down
And they began to scrub.
Or, as we learn in Monty Python's Life of Brian, "Blessed are the cheese makers".
As for "We three kings", there were several popular versions in my younger days.
We four Beatles of Liverpool far
Paul in a taxi, John in a car
George on a scooter beeping his hooter
Following Ringo Starr.
And considered a little risque at the time and probably in poor taste nowadays but here presented for the historical record, with apologies,
We three kings of Leicester Square
selling ladies' underwear
How fantastic, no elastic
Buy your wife a pair.
Then another carol,
While shepherds washed their socks by night
All seated round the tub.
A bar of Fairy soap came down
And they began to scrub.
25guido47
My Parents were Latvian.
My Mum would sometime say (when I wanted something outside our income)
"If Auntie had wheels she'd be a Trolleybus".
I must confess I didn't know what a "Trolleybus" was, so the saying didn't make much sense to me.
But I got the general gist...
My Mum would sometime say (when I wanted something outside our income)
"If Auntie had wheels she'd be a Trolleybus".
I must confess I didn't know what a "Trolleybus" was, so the saying didn't make much sense to me.
But I got the general gist...
26John5918
>23 WholeHouseLibrary:
I saw an article recently about how Nairobi's new express buses are all going to be electric, and it made me think of how we used to have electric buses in London until the 1960s, namely trolleybuses. We also used to have electric vehicles to deliver milk, bread, etc. They were all scrapped in the interest of "modernisation". Now the wheel has turned full circle and electric vehicles are back in vogue again.
I saw an article recently about how Nairobi's new express buses are all going to be electric, and it made me think of how we used to have electric buses in London until the 1960s, namely trolleybuses. We also used to have electric vehicles to deliver milk, bread, etc. They were all scrapped in the interest of "modernisation". Now the wheel has turned full circle and electric vehicles are back in vogue again.
27Crypto-Willobie
>24 John5918:
We three Kings of orient are
Tried to smoke a rubber cigar.
It was loaded, it exploded,
And boy did we travel faaa-ar....
We three Kings of orient are
Tried to smoke a rubber cigar.
It was loaded, it exploded,
And boy did we travel faaa-ar....
29Novak
Us poor little mites, standing in line all singing "Jerusalem, Jerusalem".
Surely there was someone present at the time intelligent enough to realize that as far as the kids were concerned "Jerusalem" might just as well have been a bar of soap.
We like to think we are a bit more enlightened today .. .. .. ..
Surely there was someone present at the time intelligent enough to realize that as far as the kids were concerned "Jerusalem" might just as well have been a bar of soap.
We like to think we are a bit more enlightened today .. .. .. ..
30mlfhlibrarian
‘Were you born in a barn?’ Or ‘Put the wood in the hole!’ both said if you left the door open.
‘A jump at the door and a buttery slide down’ or ‘a slide down the bannister and a bite of the latch’ in reply to the constant question ‘What are we having for dinner?’
‘Sky-blue-pink with yellow dots on’ if you asked what colour something was.
‘Stop skriking and don’t be a marredy-baby!’ If you were whining for something or crying for no reason. Skriking means crying, marred means spoilt or whiny. Northern English dialect -skriking possibly a Viking survival.
Edited for typos, spell-check is an idiot.
‘A jump at the door and a buttery slide down’ or ‘a slide down the bannister and a bite of the latch’ in reply to the constant question ‘What are we having for dinner?’
‘Sky-blue-pink with yellow dots on’ if you asked what colour something was.
‘Stop skriking and don’t be a marredy-baby!’ If you were whining for something or crying for no reason. Skriking means crying, marred means spoilt or whiny. Northern English dialect -skriking possibly a Viking survival.
Edited for typos, spell-check is an idiot.
31Limelite
>30 mlfhlibrarian: I heard, "Throw some glass in that pneumonia hole," when a car window was down or cracked open during a cold ride.
32mlfhlibrarian
>31 Limelite: That one made me laugh! we didn’t have a car so I wouldn’t have heard anything like that as a child.
342wonderY
In our careless way of speaking, we’d announce we were “going over the playground” and dad would respond “How high?”
35John5918
>33 TeaBag88:
I'm a bit like that now! We're off-grid, relying on solar power, and I'm always turning lights off and reminding others to do so. And when we are visiting friends and family who have mains electricity, I find myself doing the same in their homes. Habit.
I'm a bit like that now! We're off-grid, relying on solar power, and I'm always turning lights off and reminding others to do so. And when we are visiting friends and family who have mains electricity, I find myself doing the same in their homes. Habit.
36TeaBag88
My parents thought anyone who slept outside in a tent was a lunatic.
As a pre-teen returning sun- tanned, exhausted, and very happy from a long camping trip with my cockney friend Smithy, my mother asked him his name.
Smithy: “Smif”.
My ex-schoolteacher mother (sarcastically): “Is that spelled with one “f” or two?”.
Smithy: “Three”.
As a pre-teen returning sun- tanned, exhausted, and very happy from a long camping trip with my cockney friend Smithy, my mother asked him his name.
Smithy: “Smif”.
My ex-schoolteacher mother (sarcastically): “Is that spelled with one “f” or two?”.
Smithy: “Three”.
37AlexanderPatico
>22 Tess_W: There was a song (Hang On to What We’ve Got) with the line “we’ve got a lot of love between us” — as a kid, I heard it as “we’ve got a lot of lovely peanuts.”
When I heard “First you put your two knees close up tight” (Ballin’ in the Jack), I asked my mother: “What’s a tooney?”
When I heard “First you put your two knees close up tight” (Ballin’ in the Jack), I asked my mother: “What’s a tooney?”
38Hope_H
My mother always told me that her mother used to say that eating pie for breakfast was a shortcut to the sepulchre. Since I made a pie today, guess what my breakfast will be in the morning!
39cbellia
When I was 2 or 3 years old my mother would teach me my prayers; In those days Catholics would pray in Latin. One of the phrases was "Regum eternum", I had no idea what it ment, she told me it had something to do with the dead. A scary thought at a time when my father was somewhere in World War II. Recently I was looking at a book of Hours and saw the phrase "Regum Eternum" I think it means Eternal reign. So; closure after more than 75 years.
42alco261
>27 Crypto-Willobie: the version we used to sing went
We three kings of orient tar
tried to smoke a loaded cigar
it was loaded
it exploded
.....
We two kings of orient tar
tried to smoke a loaded cigar
it was loaded
it exploded
.....
I the king of orient tar
tried to smoke a loaded cigar
it was loaded
it exploded
.....
Silent Night, Smokey Night....
and the "tar" part above reminds me of the little girl who sang
"Stand beside her, and guide her, through the night with a light from a bulb."
We three kings of orient tar
tried to smoke a loaded cigar
it was loaded
it exploded
.....
We two kings of orient tar
tried to smoke a loaded cigar
it was loaded
it exploded
.....
I the king of orient tar
tried to smoke a loaded cigar
it was loaded
it exploded
.....
Silent Night, Smokey Night....
and the "tar" part above reminds me of the little girl who sang
"Stand beside her, and guide her, through the night with a light from a bulb."
43LadyoftheLodge
>20 TeaBag88: Getting in this game late!
"The Holy Spirit, the Paraclete" but we heard it as "parakeet." Huh? We thought the Holy Spirit was a dove.
From the Divine Praises/Phrases (Roman Catholic Benediction service)--''Blessed be Saint Joseph, her most chaste spouse" became "her most chased spouse." We could imagine Mary chasing Joseph around the house. Good for a giggle!
Also, those Three Kings were coming from "a fire" but say it with a Kentucky accent and it becomes "a fahr." "The Three Kings came from afar." We did not know they were firefighters. Must have been why they took so long to get there. This is a family joke, someone repeats it every year. Our brother-in-law was a volunteer firefighter.
"The Holy Spirit, the Paraclete" but we heard it as "parakeet." Huh? We thought the Holy Spirit was a dove.
From the Divine Praises/Phrases (Roman Catholic Benediction service)--''Blessed be Saint Joseph, her most chaste spouse" became "her most chased spouse." We could imagine Mary chasing Joseph around the house. Good for a giggle!
Also, those Three Kings were coming from "a fire" but say it with a Kentucky accent and it becomes "a fahr." "The Three Kings came from afar." We did not know they were firefighters. Must have been why they took so long to get there. This is a family joke, someone repeats it every year. Our brother-in-law was a volunteer firefighter.
