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In the spirit of her blockbuster #1 "New York Times" bestseller "The Happiness Project, " Gretchen Rubin embarks on a new project to make home a happier place--and goes deeper on factors that matter for home, such as possessions, marriage, time, and parenthood.
A sequel to THE HAPPINESS PROJECT. Gretchen Rubin once again undertakes methodical, highly planned projects, or 'resolutions', to increase her levels of happiness. It's hard for me not to relate to Gretchen, even though she does have kids. She's a redhead. She twirls her hair. "Whenever possible," she reads while she eats. She "dislike[s] talking on the phone." There's all that damn methodicalness. But maybe best of all, she flat-out refuses to try meditation.
She states up front that this is going to be HER happiness project; what works for her won't work for everyone, but there's still value in documenting her own personal journey, which can be a template or jumping-off point for readers whose mileage varies. OK, but she still gets way too deep in the weeds occasionally. I totally skipped the email exchanges with her sister about some collaboration they were going to do - I think it was a young adult mystery book? Why do I need to read all their emails about it? Suffice to say that collaboration was a source of happiness. And this weird project of building a little diorama in their kitchen cupboard also needed editing.
I like how she handles the most common criticisms leveled at her.
- "You really must meditate if you're going to say anything about happiness." Response: "Hmm."
- Paraphrasing here: But you can't aim directly at happiness; you have to simply do things that will cultivate happiness as a side effect. Response: How is that different than aiming directly at it? What concrete things are you doing to cultivate happiness as a side effect? How are they different than things you'd do to try to be happy directly? This is a really good point, once you start to think about it.
- And paraphrasing here: ugh, all those tasks you set for yourself! All those resolutions! Sounds so tiring! Happiness doesn't come from being busy. Busyness is a distraction. Response: Works for me!
Her ultimate mantra, after all, is to be herself. Which isn't a bad mantra. I wonder if she's considered meditating on it. ( )
I suppose if it had never occurred to you to create an orderly, tidy place, or to be thankful for your First-World luxuries every day, or to hug your loved ones when they come home, then hey, you'll learn tons of great tips from this book!
It was ok. Nothing really spoke to me, as Gretchen has very different tastes to me. And I had to hide the book so my husband didn't see the title and think I wasn't already "happy at home". ( )
I liked this book. It was not as good as The Happiness Project, but it met expectations as a good refresher on the previous lessons learned. I am surprised by other reviewers personal attacks against the author. What I really appreciate about her is her honesty and willingness to open up her life to help others learn about theirs. She admits her faults and owns up to her struggles. I can relate to her in a lot of ways and I'm also completely different from her in a lot of ways. We all need to be ourselves, as she continually reminds us. In showing us her journey, she helps us figure out our own. This is worth a read. ( )
“Self-help fans rejoice. A new book just came out that’s just as good as Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project. It’s her latest release called Happier at Home. . . Rubin’s warm, doable and sweet tips seem small when you check them off one by one. But the advice, added together, is a big ball of happy. . . Every mom will find gems in this book.” –Parents.com
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To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition, the end to which every enterprise and labour tends.
Samuel Johnson, The Rambler, No. 68
"Safe, safe safe," the heart of the house beats proudly. "Long years---" he sighs. "Again you found me." "Here," she murmurs, "sleeping; in the garden reading; laughing, rolling apples in the loft. Here we left our treasure---" Stooping, their light lifts the lids upon my eyes. "Safe! safe! safe!" the pulse of the house beats wildly. Waking, I cry "Oh, is this your buried treasure? The light in the heart."
Virginia Woolf, "A Haunted House"
Dedicatòria
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For Elizabeth
Primeres paraules
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A "happiness project" is an approach to the practice of everyday life.
Citacions
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Why, I often wonder, is it difficult to push myself to do the things that bring happiness?
Current research shows, and casual observation confirms, that some people are temperamentally more cheerful or gloomy than others, and that people's ideas and behavior also affect their happiness. About 30 to 50 percent of happiness is genetically determined; about 10 to 20 percent reflects life circumstances (such as age, gender, health, marital status, income, occupation); and the rest is very much influenced by the way we think and act. We possess considerable power to push ourselves to the top or bottom of our natural range through our conscious actions and thoughts.
We often deny the importance of possessions, or feel embarrassed by our enthusiasm for them, but the desire to possess has roots very deep in human nature.
There's a lassitude deep in my soul; I always have to fight my urge to do nothing.
"Wear everything, as much as you can," she advised. "Wear it out! It's not doing any good hanging in your closet. And instead of wearing the same few things over and over, try to wear all your clothes."
Clean as I go. When I found stale corn flakes in the a silverware drawer, or a clump of toothpaste dried to the medicine-cabinet shelf, I took the time to clean up, instead of making the empty promise "I'll deal with that later."
Surfaces should be used for activities, not storage, I instructed myself, and I cleared surfaces wherever possible.
Think about appearances. I wanted my apartment to be less cluttered, and also to look less cluttered.
The endowment effect meant that objects I owned—even ones I'd never much liked or used—made a claim on me, and the longer I owned them, the higher I perceived their value to be.
Mise en place is preparation, but it's also a state of mind. Nothing is more satisfying than working easily and well.
happiness is not having less; happiness is not having more; happiness is wanting what I have.
Declaring that we'd all be happy with more, or with less, is like saying that every book should be a hundred pages long.
Studies show that celebrating good news, and showing the happiness you feel in your partner's accomplishments, small and large, strengthens a relationship. Being silently supportive isn't very effective.
This common, seemingly unremarkable, gesture is highly noxious; it's one of the clearest signs of problems in a relationship. Even when eye rolling is paired with smiles or laughter, it's a sign of contempt, intended to make a partner feel unworthy, and signals trouble.
When I'm reluctant to take a risk or face something uncomfortable, I ask myself the Five Fateful Questions that I've pulled together over the years to help me make difficult choices:
What am I waiting for? What would I do if I weren't scared? What steps would make things easier? What would I do if I had all the time and money in the world? If I were looking back at this decision, five years from now, what will I wish I'd done?
Choose the bigger life. Being willing to drive would enlarge my life.
But while I felt the urge to do as little as possible, I knew I was happier when I took time for projects, when I made efforts that marked the seasons. And, as always, once the decorations were up, I enjoyed the festive air in our apartment.
Although we think we act because of the way we feel, we often feel because of the way we act.
Showing levity is less about being funny and more about being able to have fun and see the more humorous side of everyday situations—especially difficult situations.
People getting along harmoniously—in a family, among friends, or in an office—make an effort to enter into the interests of one another's lives.
I thought again about that line from Saint Therese: "It isn't enough to love; we must prove it."
It summed up one of the cruel Secrets of Adulthood: You get more of what you have. When you feel friendly, people want to be your friend. When you feel attractive, people are attracted to you. When you feel loving, others act lovingly toward you. This truth is cruel because so often, you want others to give you what you lack.
We all have to find happiness for ourselves.
Happy people make people happy, but You can't make someone be happy, and No one else can make you happy.
One of my Twelve Personal Commandments is to "Identify the problem." I'm often surprised by how effective this is. Instead of thoughtlessly accepting a situation, I ask myself, "What's the problem?" and often, by forcing myself to understand the exact nature of the problem, I identify a solution.
In his book The Relationship Cure, relationship expert John Gottman emphasizes the importance of responding to "bids"; when someone makes an attempt to connect with a touch, question, gesture, comment, or look, we should answer with a comment, a laugh, or some kind of acknowledgment. To be attentive and playful is best; to be nonresponsive, critical, or sarcastic is hurtful.
Happily married men ignore wives' bids 19 percent of the time; wives, 14 percent of the time. In unhappy marriages, husbands ignore wives' bids 82 percent of the time; wives, 50 percent of the time.
Gottman points out that although sometimes people intentionally ignore a bid, more often, they don't respond because they're preoccupied: reading, watching TV, sending an email, hurrying to get something done. Nevertheless, the person making the failed bid feels diminished and frustrated when the bid is ignored.
Family traditions mark time in a happy way and give a sense both of anticipation and continuity. Research shows that traditions, routines, and rituals boost physical and emotional health.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always beyond your grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
People tend to overestimate what can be done in the short term, and underestimate what can be done in the long term, a little bit each day.
As the First Splendid Truth makes clear, the feeling of growth and movement toward a goal is very important to happiness—just as important, and perhaps more important, than finally reaching that goal.
Lying, too, can be an important signal. A friend told me, "I knew I had to get control of my children's TV time when I heard myself lying to the pediatrician about how much TV they watched."
An important exercise for happiness, I realized, was to look for ways to eliminate the causes of unhappiness, or if that wasn't possible, to deal constructively with negative emotions and difficult situations.
those who aid the causes they value tend to be happier and in better health. They show fewer signs of physical and mental aging. And it's not just that helpful people also tend to be healthier and happier; helping others causes happiness.
Darreres paraules
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In the spirit of her blockbuster #1 "New York Times" bestseller "The Happiness Project, " Gretchen Rubin embarks on a new project to make home a happier place--and goes deeper on factors that matter for home, such as possessions, marriage, time, and parenthood.
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