Withnail: Right, you fucker, I'm going to do the washing up!

Marwood: No, no, you can't. It's impossible, I swear it. I've looked into it. Listen to me, listen to me! There are things in there, there's a tea-bag growing! You haven't slept in sixty hours, you're in no state to tackle it. Wait till the morning, we'll go in together.

Danny: I don't advise a haircut, man. All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. Hair are your aerials. They pick up signals from the cosmos, and transmit them directly into the brain. This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.

Marwood: What about whatshisname?

Withnail: What about him?

Marwood: Why don't you give him a call?

Withnail: What for?

Marwood: Ask him about his house.

Withnail: You want me to call whatshisname and ask him about his house?

Marwood: Why not?

Withnail: All right. What's his number?

Marwood: I've no idea. I've never met him.

Withnail: Well neither have I. What the fuck are you talking about?

Uncle Monty: I adore you. Tell him if you must, I no longer care. I mean to have you even if it must be burglary.

Withnail: Why don't you use a cup like any other human being?

Marwood: Why don't you wash up occasionally like any other human being?

Withnail: How dare you. How dare you! How dare you call me inhumane!