don't at all read this book in one sitting. it wants to make you do that, but resist if you can. the kind of intense that can make you crazy. especially if that one sitting happens to start at 8 pm and end at 6 am and then you can't sleep and then, finally, you sleep all day. ( )

Holy shit, what a book! Not a young adult novel in the traditional sense but a really complex, densely textured coming of age novel that explores some seriously complicated dynamics between kids and adults. Also a really sympathetic look at promiscuity and the ways in which it might begin as kind of a pathology in very young girls but it is by no means any kind of life sentence. I've always been frustrated by the ways in which girls' books are already at a disadvantage because the male gaze is the default, the way we explore universal truths and abstractions and blah blah blah; tell the same story with a female narrator and it's all of a sudden "...from the perspective of a girl" like it's a handicap, like it might as well be from the dog's point of view. And if the narrator is female, and isn't pre-pubescent or sexless or otherwise "neutral," then it's suddenly loaded. Trust me, I went to college, I know! So it's SO NICE and SO REFRESHING to have a book about a promiscuous young girl that is not "about" promiscuity, or "about" being a girl, but a coming of age book in the same tradition as Catcher in the Rye, about something bigger, more universal, abstract. Excellent, I loved it so much. ( )

I feel like I just survived a mashup of Looking for Alaska with Edward St Aubyn.

I don't think I can rate this book. Seems to be a note by note chronicle of a nervous breakdown caused by a personality disorder. No wonder Riley Anderson was afraid of San Francisco.

Um, wow. ( )

(Via Goodreads)
I need to choose my words carefully for this review. I need to choose my words carefully because I do not really know what to think of this book, whether to like it or hate it. I bought the book following Phoebe Gloeckner's interview with Terry Gross on Fresh Air. Please know, I do not wish to give spoilers, but I think at least one spoiler might occur. I will try to choose my words carefully.

In the Fresh Air interview, Gross broached the subject of the affair between Gloeckner and Gloeckner's mother's sometimes boyfriend. This diary is based on Gloeckner's actual diaries and the demarcation between real and fiction is impossible to distinguish. Gloeckner has admitted to this affair, so the realness of this event, at least, is not in question. Gross's interview stated that most adults would consider what the boyfriend did was, at best, molestation and, at worst, repeated sexual assault. Gloeckner denies either of those extremes stating she was a sexually cognizant and eager participant. Here is where I need to choose my words carefully because I will not speak for Gloeckner or discount her reality.

The boyfriend, nearly 10-15 years older than Gloeckner at the time, did take advantage of Gloeckner. I think that much Gloeckner would agree with. The boyfriend, unable, unwilling, or incapable of acting like a responsible adult (I wonder if the shit ever grew up - somehow, I doubt it), took advantage of the willing situation, that is, Gloeckner's willingness placed in front of him. But, see, he wasn't the only shithead to do this. As far as I can tell, nearly every adult encountered in the book seemingly took the same advantage of Gloeckner's willingness. This included her mother and the sick college-educated step-father/molester. I think Gloeckner's ability to snap out of it (obviously with some bumps along the road) and take care of herself where every adult decided their needs came above what was best for Gloeckner is nothing short of stupendous. Go, Phoebe!

I couldn't say if Gloeckner would want to be congratulated. I get the impression from the Gross interview, she wouldn't. That's fair. Again, this is her reality and I'm just an onlooker. Still, I congratulate her.

Even while I hate the shithead adults in the book (and they are truly shitty adults), what I appreciate so much about the book is that Gloeckner was what I was: a sexually desirous and active teenager. Here is a character that didn't give audiences a puritanical teenager, the kind that surrounded me in the YA literature of my time, but a young woman who enjoyed sex and was adventurous with her sexuality. I grew up in a small town so the only identity for me was slut. At 45 years old, I've made peace with that but I still know I acted outside what was publicly correct or proper. So be it. I did enjoy myself and am not ashamed of that. Thus, well done, Phoebe Gloeckner. I wish I had found your book much earlier. Maybe it wouldn't have taken me until I was 35 to not feel guilty about who I was and, quite frankly, who I am now. ( )

I need to choose my words carefully for this review. I need to choose my words carefully because I do not really know what to think of this book, whether to like it or hate it. I bought the book following Phoebe Gloeckner's interview with Terry Gross on Fresh Air. Please know, I do not wish to give spoilers, but I think at least one spoiler might occur. I will try to choose my words carefully.

In the Fresh Air interview, Gross broached the subject of the affair between Gloeckner and Gloeckner's mother's sometimes boyfriend. This diary is based on Gloeckner's actual diaries and the demarcation between real and fiction is impossible to distinguish. Gloeckner has admitted to this affair, so the realness of this event, at least, is not in question. Gross's interview stated that most adults would consider what the boyfriend did was, at best, molestation and, at worst, repeated sexual assault. Gloeckner denies either of those extremes stating she was a sexually cognizant and eager participant. Here is where I need to choose my words carefully because I will not speak for Gloeckner or discount her reality.

The boyfriend, nearly 10-15 years older than Gloeckner at the time, did take advantage of Gloeckner. I think that much Gloeckner would agree with. The boyfriend, unable, unwilling, or incapable of acting like a responsible adult (I wonder if the shit ever grew up - somehow, I doubt it), took advantage of the willing situation, that is, Gloeckner's willingness placed in front of him. But, see, he wasn't the only shithead to do this. As far as I can tell, nearly every adult encountered in the book seemingly took the same advantage of Gloeckner's willingness. This included her mother and the sick college-educated step-father/molester. I think Gloeckner's ability to snap out of it (obviously with some bumps along the road) and take care of herself where every adult decided their needs came above what was best for Gloeckner is nothing short of stupendous. Go, Phoebe!

I couldn't say if Gloeckner would want to be congratulated. I get the impression from the Gross interview, she wouldn't. That's fair. Again, this is her reality and I'm just an onlooker. Still, I congratulate her.

Even while I hate the shithead adults in the book (and they are truly shitty adults), what I appreciate so much about the book is that Gloeckner was what I was: a sexually desirous and active teenager. Here is a character that didn't give audiences a puritanical teenager, the kind that surrounded me in the YA literature of my time, but a young woman who enjoyed sex and was adventurous with her sexuality. I grew up in a small town so the only identity for me was slut. At 45 years old, I've made peace with that but I still know I acted outside what was publicly correct or proper. So be it. I did enjoy myself and am not ashamed of that. Thus, well done, Phoebe Gloeckner. I wish I had found your book much earlier. Maybe it wouldn't have taken me until I was 35 to not feel guilty about who I was and, quite frankly, who I am now. ( )