This is the first book by Frank Shaeffer I have read. I became familiar with him after watching the Hellbound? documentary by Kevin Miller. The things Frank said in his interviews for that documentary really stuck with me. I found him even more interesting after learning that his father was the famous American evangelical Francis Shaeffer.

A few weeks ago I heard Frank interviewed on the Homebrewed Christianity Podcast where he was discussing this book. I again found what he had to say intriguing and challenging, and as fate, random occurrence or divine intervention would have it, this book went on sale on Amazon.com that same day.

The title of the book sets the tone right away. “Why I am an Atheist Who Believes in God” is shocking in it’s contrast and contradiction. Depending on how tightly you hold to your own position on the existence or non-existence of God, it might even piss you off. What I found in the pages (and through the Homebrewed Christianity Podcast) is that shock through contradiction is Frank’s style. It’s his confrontational style is definitely in-line with my own evangelical upbringing, so maybe that’s some of his appeal for me.

Frank throws down his gauntlet early in chapter II saying:

“These days I hold two ideas about God simultaneously: he, she or it exists and he she or it doesn’t exist. I don’t see-saw between these opposites; I embrace them. I don’t view this embrace as requiring a choice between mere emotion and fact, or between evolutionary biology and spirituality. Reality can’t be so neatly parsed. Neuroscientists who analyze our chemistry-based brains still fall in love. Preachers declaiming a literal view of the Bible and a so-called young earth still use petroleum products only found because geologists operate on the premise that the earth is 4.54 billion years old. I don’t view my embrace of opposites as a kind of agnosticism. I view it as the way things actually are. An agnostic neither believes nor disbelieves in God. I’m not that person. I believe and don’t believe at the same time.”

He clarifies the trajectory of the book further by way of quoting University of California professor Howard Wettstein:

“The theism-atheism-agnosticism trio presumes that the real question is whether God exists. I’m suggesting that the real question is otherwise and that I don’t see my outlook in terms of that trio … The real question is one’s relation to God, the role God plays in one’s life, the character of one’s spiritual life.”

Despite the sub title of the book being “How to Give Love, Create Beauty, and Find Peace” this book is not a “how to” book or even really a structured linear sort of book. I’d say it’s more like a collection of essays (with a touch of memoir). It very much reminded me (in style, not substance) of Anne Lamott’s Travelling Mercies. In each untitled chapter Frank may discuss, question, or rant about a particular issue or topic or he may describe a memory or moment during his life. The topics range from theology, politics, family life, art, music, food, church, etc.. Even though each chapter could certainly stand on it’s own, the theme of contradiction dances and weaves through each chapter giving them a sense of cohesion.

Sometimes I got whiplash from chapter to chapter following back and forth between Frank’s contradictory thoughts and opinions, but over time I began to be more and more comfortable in the “chaos” of it. I started to see that even though Frank calls himself agnostic and rejects many Christian orthodoxies, he’s a man seeking to follow Jesus with an honesty most of us aren’t comfortable with acknowledging. I was reminded of the demon possessed boy’s father in the Gospel of Mark who exclaimed “I believe; help me in my unbelief!”

I found that ideas in this book resonate with me in this time of my life. I’m rejecting or de-constructing many of my old fundamentalist beliefs. The cognitive dissonance can sometimes feel like a crushing burden, but as I looked at Frank’s way of dealing with it — which was not to deal with it at all — I can see a sort of comfort in his approach. I don’t have to have it all figured out. My ducks don’t have to be in a row. I don’t have to have all my beliefs systematized. They don’t have to make sense to anybody else. Hell, they don’t even have to make sense to me. My faith isn’t in myself, my capabilities, or even my reason. It’s in the vastness of God who, even though I believe he dwells in me, I hardly seem know at all.

I’ll be posting some of my favorite passages of the book the next few days. If they spark your interested, don’t hesitate to pick up a copy ( )

First of all I know there are going to be a lot of people thrown by the title of the book for I got in a religious debate with my sister just over that aspect alone *smh*. Honestly I think you should just set the title aside and read the book for itself while not being so judgmental about whether the man is or isn't an atheist than make up a mind from there if you have to.

The guy is a world traveler and had had lots of unique opportunities in his life. He mentions how some things have been programmed into him since a child and so he does them since of the fact as well as since it allows him to reach a point of calm. Having come full circle from a hypocritical Christian raising to an experimental stage and back I can relate with the need of wanting to do something that is comforting while knowing there can be sometimes a sweet freedom when you do get a chance to get back in touch with the feelings that were originally brought up the first time that you did it.

I can relate with the author on the point that Jesus seems to conflict with the Bible and how His message of compassion is what actually drives Christianity, which has pulled away from it. He does put an intriguing question in front of your nose about who really are Christ-like whether they claim it or not based on their actions instead of their labels given by society or stuck on by themselves.

The author does a beautiful job of weaving the people of his life into the story for they ground it while at the same time adding another dimension. His personal stories show that he is human - mocked by his previous Christian background for turning his back thus taking on the sin of Noah's sons. And yet it is also his love for those important people in his life that also reflect that all that is important in life is the beauty of the same that he sees reflected back to him by the eyes of love.

There were a few parts that did drag and take a while to read in the story itself. There were also spots that stuttered a bit but I would still recommend it to many people at least once. Allow the ideas that the beauty and wonder of the universe may be the actual "high spirit" directing us from the beginning of time instead of a being we think we know by the name of God. Does it change your challenge your thinking? Does it challenge what you know? Do you think it has any merits.

The sweetest thing is that Frank isn't trying to change the world but only explains what in the end drives him on his own spiritual quest. If nothing talks to you then you don't have to read it again. But... but... if it does will it also make you wonder how you can be more in tune with the natural spiritual that pulls at us all?

**Received this book as part of the Giveaway at Goodreads.com for free in exchange for a review** ( )

The author is too quick to label himself an atheist, when there is clearly not a real label for someone like him any more than there is a label for someone like me. He writes well grammatically. It wasn't a really wonderful story. ( )

Schaeffer writes with deep honesty about a topic that engenders strong emotions and often deep dissension. This spiritual autobiography is deeply personal and he doesn't shy away from his own shortcomings and misgivings about faith (and especially religion, and one must be careful to distinguish faith from religion: faith is the belief which, I think can achieve perfection - religion is the institution built to support the practices of faith, which will always be flawed). His often poetic prose and beautiful expression of life and his angst at the thought of mortality, family, and the loss of his friends is familiar ground to this reader and so I found myself in immediate resonance with his spiritual yearnings and his lingering doubts.

This book is not for the faint faith-ed, however, as Schaeffer doesn't candy coat his own theology or spirituality (or language) - and those who attempt a literal reading of the biblical text will struggle with his more open look at the mythological foundations of faith and the implications of scientific inquiry. But for me, I found his approach refreshing and to the point - neither religion nor science offers an adequate view of God. There is a beauty in understanding that the Divine exists in mystery, shrouded in our own inadequacy to comprehend and veiled in unknowing. While science struggles to explain, and religions strives to pigeonhole, God remains larger than both. Art and poetry - both built on image, on glimpses of beauty and mystery - seem to bring the deepest glimpses into this mystery. Schaeffer quotes Red Pollard, suggesting that there is a folly to "assessing meaning by anything other than poetry. And poetry is only spirit rather than material, love in action, love of life, love of words, love of beauty, even love of beautifully expressed ugliness. Poetry is play, more like a child's game than serious. Therefore it is the most serious expression of all..."

Indeed much of our biblical text is poetry - images painted with words that try to describe the mystery of the Divine. And in the midst of his mortality, doubts, and yes, faith, Schaeffer suggests that much of our struggle today as people of faith is that we have shaped religion to explain God, making it like a science that attempts to offer proofs of that which is unprovable. And then we struggle when the religion we have built clashes with science. He maintains that we should recapture the witness of St. Cyril of Jerusalem, "For we may not explain what God is but candidly confess that we have not exact knowledge concerning Him." Schaeffer concludes, "In other words, the word God was to be understood by not understanding it."

By trying to create 'objective reality' concerning God, we are, in fact, creating an idol that makes God more like each of us, instead of embracing the idea of our own imperfect reflection of the Divine Creator. Much like J.B. Phillips in his seminal work, "Your God is Too Small" Schaeffer argues that when we do this we remake God in our own images, each different and individual, with no acknowledgement that God might be inexpressible and beyond our understanding.

The book is honest, thought provoking, and if you are not afraid to think about your faith, to challenge long held beliefs in light of newer and deeper understandings, or to let some fresh air blow through the closed doors and cobwebs of your soul, then this book might be for you. I found it both refreshing and honest, and though I didn't agree with everything he said, it did challenge me to think through some of what I believe. Ultimately, if nothing else, it should challenge all of us to reclaim the mystery of the Divine in the midst of our own mortality and daily existence. ( )