History Is All You Left Me (edició 2018)

This book was incredibly affecting. Normally, that's a good thing. But in this case, much of it hurt (empathy-wise), Further, I did not really like the characters. Griffin, whose narrates the story, is so completely self-absorbed. And I cannot tell whether this is a reflection of his OCD, his relentless self-consciousness, or just teenage-brain stupidity. And the lying and self-delusions don't make me like him more.

"History Is All You Left Me" begins just after Griffin's best friend and ex-boyfriend (Theo) dies suddenly in an accident. Griffin is lost, untethered, adrift. Thus he begins to tell two stories in parallel. One is the "now" story that tells us what happens in Griffin's world after Theo's death. The other is the origin story that tells us Griffin's view on how his relationship with Theo was born, grew, and changed. Because we know that Theo is with Jackson when he dies, we know that the "before" story will not end with Griffin and Theo together. At the same time, we don't know any of what came between, so the "now" story is also a mystery. It was those unknowns that kept me listening when I thought that I could not take any more sadness.

None of what we learn about Theo and Jackson is all that endearing either. I think I dislike them more than Griffin. Theo was horribly selfish, displaying hurtful disregard for Griffin a number of times. And yet, there were times when it seemed Theo was making an opening for Griffin to shed the lies and be open. Ultimately, Theo's death removed the possibility that these characters could reconcile and heal the fractured Theo-Griffin relationship.

It is not until very late in the book that we see how (misplaced) guilt is clinging to Griffin and is playing a big part of his overwhelming sadness and malaise. Through much of the book, Griffin is lying to himself and us, the readers. It is heartbreaking the way Griffin feels responsible for Theo's death.

As you might expect, the "history" part of the story ends the day Theo dies. At which point, the pieces start falling together. We find out that just before Theo's death, Griffin was starting to move on with Wade. And that he felt disloyal to Theo - who was already his ex-boyfriend. Hiding his truths from Theo and himself. And then, the day he decides to come clean, Theo dies.

The "now" part of the story ends when Griffin is finally grappling with truth and lies and trying to move forward with living.

Without a doubt, Mr. Silvera knows how to craft a story and set a mood. Audiobook narrator was very good as well. ( )

TWs: loss of a loved one, grief, OCD,
Rating: 3 to 3.5/5

While I haven't read this novel as high as I expected, I actually enjoyed it. I expected the characters to be a bit older for some reason, so this might have something to do with why I didn't resonate with the writing as much. I can't pinpoint an exact reason as to why this book is just okay for me, but I really didn't relate to the characters as much as I wished.

Please, don't think that me giving this book 3 stars means it's not good - I've always considered 3 stars to be for those books that I did enjoy, even if they weren't ones I loved. The thing that made this book for me was the portrayal of greif. Some scenes in this novel reminded me of moments from my life when I had to process loss. It was a topic quite close to home, especially during this time of the year. I'll definitely be checking out Silvera's other books in the future. ( )

3,5
A very lyrical book which depicts grief in a very good way. The OCD rep was also done pretty well. I also loved that this book wasn’t about their sexuality, but incoperated it in a natural way. ( )

Didn’t like the style/tone of the writing for some reason. Very YA, but in a way that really grated on me.
Fucked if I know why. ( )

This book breaks your heart and then puts it back together again..... ( )