Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second… (2002 original; edició 2011)

Convincing examples showing application across all sorts of social interactions connected with the strategies for creating a safe space for dialogue, setting expectations and moving action forward in ways that allow the largest possible number of folks to feel connected and involved. ( )

This is not my usual sort of book, for two reasons: I don't often read nonfiction and when I do, it's not anything that could be classified even loosely as self-help.

The first note I made in this book was bout its self-congratulatory tone, and the authors do throughout seem smug and confident. I can imagine them on a stage with fancy headpiece microphones throwing out air quotes around the various buzz words/phrases they introduce in the book and all but inviting people to do trust falls. In spite of all that, I did get a few useful things from this book, notably that it's good to find a common purpose when having a tough conversation rather than landing yourself in essentially an argument about who's right and that you have to be careful about inventing stories/motivations for how others address you. I'm bad about both of these things in my personal communication, and already I've found myself in conversations thinking about the actual information being given to me vs. the narrative I want to hear and be offended by. These are pretty obvious things now that I've read them, but I had never really thought of them in such plain terms, and I think I'll find them useful.

I think I could have gotten most of the useful info from the book in a 5-page paper, though. Often enough, the book felt like basically a sales pitch for the consulting services I imagine the authors provide. So my rating for the book itself is pretty low, though a couple of the ideas I think will be pretty useful for me to keep in mind as I have even not-very-tough conversations. ( )

An excellent read.

This book was very helpful in helping me think about how we all communicate - and how poorly I am at it. More often than we may realize, we have what the author calls "crucial conversations". That is, conversations where emotions and stakes are high - may it be in business, in marriage, or with family. Patterson lays out several principles to keep in mind when you find yourself approaching or in these types of conversations. Rather than a step-by-step method of mastering rhetoric and dominating conversations, Patterson shows you how to really dialogue, getting on the same page and moving from there.

Take the time to read the book. ( )

Some padding in the content, but most of it is actual, useful how-to with examples. It's not fluff, it's not hogwash, it just takes time to reshape or rewire how one defaults into old habits in conversations. With practise, this could be a game changer. ( )

I'm not really certain how I feel about this one. I felt some similarities to Angela Duckworth's book "Grit" - I don't believe this needed to be an entire book and could have covered the main points in a smaller, more trimmed format.

I found myself rolling my eyes a lot at the perceived simplicity of the topic and solutions, but I must admit I did find myself relating back to previous difficult conversations with my partner, friends and family and recognize I have a lot of work to do and can do much better.

I think I am hesitant a lot of time to these kinds of books and lectures because a lot of the time it feels like a commercial, or that they're persuading the reader that "yes, this does work." I've already bought the book! I'm already here! Perhaps this is a proactive approach to breach listener's defenses since their initial reaction may be negative (like mine is) but I can't shake the feeling that I'm listening to a TED talk in book form, rather than reading something that requires 230 pages. ( )