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Healing the Shame That Binds You

de John Bradshaw

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808420,111 (3.77)3
Healing the Shame that Binds You is the most enduring work of family relationship expert and New York Times bestselling author John Bradshaw. In it, he shows how unhealthy toxic shame, often learned young and maintained into adulthood, is the core component in our compulsions, co-dependencies, addictions and drive to superachieve. While positive shame empowers us and sustains the fabric of our social system, inappropriate or misdirected shame results in the breakdown of our self-esteem, the destruction of the family system, and an inability to move forward with our lives.In an honest and emotionally revealing style based largely on his personal experience with addiction and his decades as a counselor, John Bradshaw moves from the source and manifestation of toxic shame to the practical tools-affirmations, visualizations, inner voice and feeling work, guided meditations, and other healing techniques-that will release the shame that binds us to our past.… (més)
  1. 01
    Shame, Exposure, and Privacy de Carl D. Schneider (PlaidStallion)
    PlaidStallion: From the preface to the Revised Edition:

    I've come to see that one of the most profound aspects of healthy shame is its role in forming, directing and fulfilling the sex drive and in forming mature and soulful sexuality. I'm indebted to Carl D. Schneider, in his book Shame, Exposure and Privacy, for presenting the work of the German philosopher Max Scheler. Scheler wrote his German treatise, entitled Über Scham und Schamgefühl, in the mid-twentieth century. Unfortunately, this work has been translated only into French, under the title La Pudeur. I’m completely indebted to Schneider for his presentation of this important material in English. I have put this material in the new Chapter Twelve, entitled “Spirituality and Sexuality.” In this chapter, I outline how healthy shame forms, directs and fulfills the development of healthy sexuality.… (més)
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If shame causes everything, then what does it even mean?

According to this book, shame - toxic or healthy - is the root cause of every type of human behavior ever. The writing is grandiose, vague, and so convinced of its own thesis that it offers no more than declarative statements as evidence of itself. Avoid! PS: doesn't help that this guy thinks atheism is a manifestation of "spiritual bankruptcy" caused by toxic shame. ( )
  nandiniseshadri | Jul 12, 2020 |
John was a mistreated child who has tried to overcome his shame based self perception. He is a teacher and author, who writes to help himself and others with similar problems. He makes some good points on the behavior patterns developed during childhood and their effects during adulthood. John has degrees in philosophy and theology. Although he tries to come across as intellectual, he is more of a mystic and spiritualist than a scientist. For this reason much of his thought process is flawed by his biased world view. He is still tainted by his religious views. He perceives society by his value system and is not objective. I cannot recommend this book except for those with a serious shame problem and even then one should be weary of some flawed information and though processes. ( )
1 vota GlennBell | Nov 23, 2016 |
One of the earliest "inner child" books. Very good when it first came out, because it was a new theory at that time, but modern thinking has moved past that. ( )
  afinch11 | Aug 22, 2013 |
An excellent, in-depth book that uncovers the toxic shame behind addictions. Bradshaw talks about his own recovery in the book as well. Contains several exercises to help relieve shame. ( )
2 vota peonygoat | Oct 14, 2006 |
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Our healthy shame is essential as the foundation of our spirituality. By reminding us of our essential limitations, our healthy shame lets us know that we are not God. Our healthy shame points us in the direction of some larger meaning. Our healthy shame is the psychological ground of our humility.
Each family system has several categories of rules. There are rules about celebrating and socializing, rules about touching and sexuality, rules about sickness and proper health care, rules about vacations and vocations, rules about household maintenance and the spending of money. Perhaps the most important rules are about feelings, interpersonal communication and parenting.

Toxic shame is consciously transferred by means of shaming rules. In shame-based families, the rules consciously shame all the members. Generally, however, the children receive the major brunt of the shame. Power is a cover-up for shame. Power is frequently hierarchical.
Healthy shame keeps us grounded. It is a yellow light, warning us of our essential limitations. Healthy shame is the basic metaphysical boundary for human beings. It is the emotional energy that signals us that we are not God—that we will make mistakes, that we need help. Healthy shame gives us permission to be human.

Healthy shame is part of every human’s personal power. It allows us to know our limits, and thus to use our energy more effectively. We have better direction when we know our limits. We do not waste ourselves on goals we cannot reach or on things we cannot change. Healthy shame allows our energy to be integrated rather than diffused.
Shame has been called the master emotion because as it is internalized-all the other emotions are bound by shame. Emotionally shame-bound parents cannot allow their children to have emotions because the child’s emotions triggers the parents’ emotions. Repressed emotions often feel too big, like they would completely overwhelm us if we expressed them. There is also the fear of the shame that would be triggered if we expressed our emotions.
Another way that internalization occurs is by internalizing images. These internal images can be of a shaming person, place or actual experience. They can also be word images, i.e., sound imprints. Hearing someone say certain words may trigger old experiences of shame. Individual shame experiences are fused together by means of language and imagery. Kaufman says, “Scenes of shame become interconnected and magnified.” As the language, imagery and scenes associated with shame are fused together, the meaning of shame is transformed. “I feel shame” comes to mean “I am shameful, deficient in some vital way as a human being.” Shame is no longer one feeling among many, but comes to constitute the core of oneself. Internalized shame creates a frozen state of being. Shame is no longer an emotional signal that comes and goes. It is a deep, abiding, all-pervasive sense of being defective as a person. This core of defectiveness forms the foundation around which other feelings about the self will be experienced. Gradually, over a period of time, this frozen feeling of belief recedes from consciousness. In this way shame becomes basic to one’s sense of identity. One becomes a shame-based person.
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Healing the Shame that Binds You is the most enduring work of family relationship expert and New York Times bestselling author John Bradshaw. In it, he shows how unhealthy toxic shame, often learned young and maintained into adulthood, is the core component in our compulsions, co-dependencies, addictions and drive to superachieve. While positive shame empowers us and sustains the fabric of our social system, inappropriate or misdirected shame results in the breakdown of our self-esteem, the destruction of the family system, and an inability to move forward with our lives.In an honest and emotionally revealing style based largely on his personal experience with addiction and his decades as a counselor, John Bradshaw moves from the source and manifestation of toxic shame to the practical tools-affirmations, visualizations, inner voice and feeling work, guided meditations, and other healing techniques-that will release the shame that binds us to our past.

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