{Stand-alone. YA/ children's, eating disorder treatment, anorexia, fiction, semi-autobiographical}(2019)

First person point of view story about a twelve year old with anorexia in treatment centre.

Not my usual fare but it was a book bullet and I know someone who went through something similar so I gave it a go. The author also went through something similar when she was eighteen although this book is aimed at younger readers. Each chapter is a journal entry about a day in Riley's life starting with her first day in a treatment centre and chronicling her progress as she first resents her stay and gradually comes to accept her diagnosis and then to want to recover although there are setbacks along the way, both for her and for the other girls in the centre.

I can’t let myself cry. That’s what Mom wants me to do. She wants me to collapse in exhaustion and admit I need help. She wants me to admit I’m sad and hungry and tired. To let other people feed me like I’m a baby and they’re waiting with a spoonful of mushed peas.
Mushed peas are gross. Food is gross.
Mom thinks that once I’m locked behind these doors, everything’s going to be all right. Like they can give me a magic pill, or a course of antibiotics with the side effect of “recovery.” Things will go back to normal and I’ll be the old Riley again.
I don’t know who “the old Riley” is anymore, though. And there are no antibiotics that will get rid of my thoughts, which are way too powerful to be silenced. They tell me I’m not good enough. They tell me to be skinnier and prettier. To run more and eat less.
They tell me that everything about me is wrong.
Those thoughts are part of me now. These people here, the doctors and the nurses and the counselors and the nutritionists—they can’t take them away. I don’t want them to take them away.
I’d be fat then.
I don’t want to be fat.
Then I’d be nothing at all.

Knowing someone who has a disorder, this book tugged on my heartstrings several times, giving me an insight into what might be going through their head. Riley's parents came through as unsympathetic, except towards the end, but what do you do when your child has a problem you can't solve for them? (You get them the help they need, obviously, but how are you supposed to react?) Of course, the book is written from Riley's point of view and it is sad finding out how she thinks, believing she's worthless and no-one likes her; not her friends or her family or her classmates. From that perspective, I found this quite powerful, emotionally; consequently, I'm on the fence as to whether I would give it to a young person with anorexia to read. It would, though, help to reassure them that they are not alone with these feelings and issues.

October 2021
4 stars ( )

children's middlegrade/teen fiction - 12-y.o. girl undergoing treatment for anorexia (#ownvoices author is a survivor of an eating disorder)
I read to page 68--this was pretty good and worth reading, it's just difficult because it takes you inside Riley's head as hse so unhealthily obsesses over her weight--so much self-criticism can be tough to read through. It does a really good job of showing the reader what that feels like. ( )

Riley writes a daily, chronology of her time in a treatment facility trying to navigate recovery from anorexia. She stutter steps, questions, and make progress. It's an accessible, insightful, heart wrenching at times read. Riley's determination and struggles are on full display as are interactions with those who help and hinder her progress. She finds her voice and ability to quiet her inner critic and embrace love for herself. Powerful, quick read. ( )

Absolutely wonderful read! Brought tears to my eyes. ( )

a great book about finding the strength to love and care for yourself. recommended as a take home or read individually book.
ages 8+
publishers weekly ( )