Boundaries in Marriage

A Christian self-help book about the importance of boundaries in a marriage relationship. The ideas in the section I read were decent but this was a case of writing style not working for this reader. The examples that the authors use of clients they've counseled include dialogue that just sounds stilted and obviously coming from a therapist and they just set my teeth on edge. I also found that the book was far more targeted at people already married (and potentially dealing with challenges) than those preparing for marriage. Definitely a case of YMMV.

Only when a husband and wife know and respect each other's needs, choices, and freedom can they give themselves freely and lovingly to one another. Boundaries in Marriage gives the couples in your group the tools they need. By applying the powerful biblical and relational principles presented in this DVD, couples can make a good marriage better and even save one that's headed for disaster. Exercises and activities in each of the eight sessions help partners connect principles with marriage-strengthening application. Boundaries in Marriage will pay huge dividends wherever couples desire to understand the friction points or serious hurts in their marriages---so they can move beyond them to a better relationship. Boundaries in Marriage sessions: 1. What's a Boundary, Anyway? 2. Applying the Ten Laws of Boundaries to Marriage 3. Setting Boundaries with Yourself 4. Values One and Two: Love of God and Love of Spouse 5. Values Three and Four: Honesty and Faithfulness 6. Values Five and Six: Compassion and Forgiveness, and Holiness 7. Resolving Conflict in Marriage 8. Some Warning Signs to Help Your Marriage For use with Boundaries in Marriage Participant's Guide, also available.

Helpful, but there's a lot to wade through and reconcile with your own world view if you're not Christian and the type to count to three before you react rather than citing a verse at yourself. All in all a good read though, and an interesting perspective. ( )

A book applying the authors' "boundaries" philosophy to the realm of marriage.

There is much to commend the authors' concept of "boundaries" to marriage partners: if used properly, boundaries help each spouse recognize what they can and cannot control and to focus more inward and work to fix the self more than attempting to project on the spouse and to fix them. It can assist spouses who have difficulties in the areas of enabling, being walked over, or who constantly project all problems upon the other.

On the other hand, as the authors themselves make clear, the concept of boundaries has to be used properly. They cannot be immediate ultimatiums or boundaries enforced on others. The concept of consequences as elaborated in the book make some sense but can lead to all kinds of problems in and of themselves when abused. The idea of one consequence being the withholding of sex also runs contrary to 1 Corinthians 7, despite the authors' attempts to be otherwise rather Biblical.

In short, if the boundaries are established in the right way for the right reasons, things will go well. But if boundaries are established in the wrong way and/or for the wrong reasons, things could go from bad to worse. The book and concepts are worth considering, but it is even more important to check yourself at the door before establishing said boundaries. ( )

This is actually really helpful for all person-to-person interactions (read _Boundaries_ if you don't want to be distracted by the marriage examples). The idea is that you only have control over your own reactions to things; you can't change people's behavior, only your reactions to them. But you can let people know that their behavior has consequences and what those consequences are. You can permit people to suffer the consequences of their actions (which is not the same as inflicting them as a punishment). I've given this book to some people and been tempted to give it to others, but people often aren't really ready to set boundaries. Some assumptions about traditional gender roles are annoying (husband embarrassed because wife can't keep house? really? there's some problems besides 'boundaries' there) but I can read around them. ( )