A memoir, written primarily to come to terms, long after the fact, with Trethewey's mother's murder. In June of 1985, after escaping an abusive marriage, and surviving at least one subsequent attempt on her life, Gwendolyn Turnbough Trethewey Grimmette was shot to death by her ex-husband, who had been jailed briefly after that prior assault. In the days immediately preceding the shooting, he had made repeated blatant threats to kill Gwen, his step-daughter Natasha, and even his own 11-year-old son, if she did not "give him another chance".

At first I found it difficult to engage with Trethewey's story, because she seemed so distant from it herself in the writing. But as more details slowly unfolded, it became a heart-wrenching exploration of buried memories, unexpected discoveries, and survivor's guilt. I picked it up this afternoon some twenty pages short of the half-way point, and could not stop. The book leaves a lot of questions unanswered for the reader, but was well worth reading. ( )

A couple of poems in Natasha Trethewey’s poetry collection Monument led me to finally read this memoir, and I finished it in one day. The word for the book is enthralling.

Natasha’s stepfather murdered her mother when Natasha was 19, and away at college. This is the story of her childhood up to and including that event. It took Trethewey three decades to be able to look back and reflect on what went on.

Her story almost seems a gruesome fairy tale. She is the child of a black mother from New Orleans and a white father from Canada, who met as college students working in the 1960s civil rights movement. Her early years in Mississippi were happy, although once the Ku Klux Klan burned a cross in the front yard. But her parents’ marriage did not survive, and mother and daughter moved to Atlanta, where her mother met and married the evil stepfather. Who eventually murdered her.

The most fascinating aspect of the book for me is the interplay of remembering and forgetting after trauma; why and what we choose to forget, and what we are unable to forget. So much of the past is lost to us. Remembering the past is like striking a match: scenes flare up, brightly lit for a moment before they fade away. The book is a succession of such moments, some gentle, some horrendous.

And the nagging question: did this really happen to me? Toward the middle of the book, Trethewey includes police reports and other documentation, as if to convince herself of the extent of the tragedy. Here’s the proof, she seems to be saying. You don’t have to believe just me.

This is a masterly exploration of the effects of profound trauma. The good news is that through her poetry and her work, Natasha Trethewey survived it, and even thrived. ( )

Mentioned in a blog post at https://booksbeyondbinaries.blog/2020/07/06/veronica-mars-but-make-it-queer/

The Short of It:

A beautiful, heartbreaking memoir. If memoirs aren’t your thing, don’t let that stop you from picking this one up.

The Rest of It:

“Natasha Trethewey was 19 when her mother was murdered by her stepfather in 1985. For decades, she hid the event, and memories of her mother, in the recesses of her mind while she went on to win a Pulitzer Prize and become the Poet Laureate of the United States. Now, decades later, she opens herself up to her past to produce a harrowing yet beautiful memorial.”
— Mike Hare, Northshire Saratoga, Saratoga Springs, NY

My book club chose this book for March. Initially I had a hard time finding a library copy so I went with the audio, which is just beautiful but just a few chapters in, I knew I’d want to own a copy so I bought the paperback. Trethewey is a poet so the passages are often heartbreakingly beautiful. I found myself reading a chapter and then taking a little time to sit with it before moving on to the next. I first heard about this book when Obama chose it for one of his “best of” lists. He’s not wrong.

Besides the beauty of the written word itself, I could not help but be affected by Trethewey’s grief and obvious pain over her mother’s death at the hand of her stepfather. Both mother and daughter dealt with his abuse. Steps were taken to ensure their safety, and yet the legal system still failed them. The murder took place in 1985 but really, when it comes to domestic violence not a whole lot has changed.

While reading this book, I was reminded of all the drama over Kanye and his recent threats to Pete Davidson, who is now dating Kanye’s ex. That celebrity couple is in the public eye. The rants and threats are made publicly and still, little is being done. Trevor Noah recently called it out. If a women like Kim K can’t feel protected, then who can?

While discussing this book, many of Trethewey’s poems were shared and they are just beautiful. If you decide to pick this book up, check out her other works too.

For more reviews, visit my blog: Book Chatter. ( )

»All those years I thought that I had been running away from my past I had, in fact, been working my way steadily back to it.«

This was not easy to read and even less so to review. In “Memorial Drive” Trethewey remembers her childhood, born 1966, in a still very much segregated Gulfport, Mississippi, USA. Her mother black and her father white this clearly was a challenge.

Trethewey’s father leaves the family and when her mother meets another man and, ultimately, marries him, things quickly escalate for young Trethewey who is routinely abused by her stepfather, Joel, who also beats his wife and terrorises the entire family.
Joel eventually murders his then-ex wife.

First and foremost, “Memorial Drive” is about remembering a loving mother and telling her story. When asked about what Trethewey would want to be a key takeaway from reading “Memorial Drive” she answered as follows:

“If I was really honest, I would want for people to fall a little bit in love with her the way I love her. I want people to care so much about her life so that when you read it, despite knowing the outcome, you wish fiercely, fiercely for her survival. ”

Trethewey succeeded at that for me.

Four out of five stars.

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