This has so much good to say about how we can save the next generation from becoming bullies/bullied, from suicide, and, with a few exceptions, mental illness. It possibly illustrates a lot of the issues that the millennials and GenZ emerging adults also struggle with.

However (there always is one), I removed one star for

-lacking some citations(supporting citations can be found in the books below though)
-and his omitting or failing to acknowledge what can happen when children become too attached to the wrong adults and how parents can look for warning signs regarding trafficking and abuse. Yes, it wasn't his focus, but I feel like it merited an aside or footnote.

Interestingly enough, this book debunked a few false notions I picked up during my adolescence. I always used to watch interviews of kids born in the 30's-50's and hear them say things like "our parents never yelled or punished" or "I never remember my dad having to spank us" etc, etc. And I would roll my eyes and think "yeah right." Well, Neufeld explains quite clearly how that may be true. May being the operative word here. And now I will stop rolling my eyes.

To be read with [b:12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos|30257963|12 Rules for Life An Antidote to Chaos|Jordan B. Peterson|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1512705866l/30257963._SY75_.jpg|50729930], [b:Becoming Attached: First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity to Love|547830|Becoming Attached First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity to Love|Robert Karen|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1355921449l/547830._SY75_.jpg|535088], and [b:Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression - and the Unexpected Solutions|34921573|Lost Connections Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression - and the Unexpected Solutions|Johann Hari|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1500785858l/34921573._SY75_.jpg|56184854]. ( )

I am surprised at how highly this book is rated. I understand that it gives a somewhat alternative view to parenting to most mainstream "systems" and there are some interesting insights to be had. The problem is the authors make the same point repeatedly. By repeatedly I mean over and over and over and over and over again. I do not understand how an editor could have missed how dull and unnecessarily long this tome was unless they are getting paid by the page.

Let me save you the trouble of reading it in about 3 lines. 98 per cent of problems stem from your kids need to attach to somebody. If you do not nurture that attachment to yourselves as parents they will attach to their peers and that is bad as they will not learn what they really need to learn when they need to learn it. That's it basically.

Even if you accept the premise one could have hoped for some practical advice on how to strengthen or foster attachments but the advice is nebulous at best.

Finally, there really is no objective evidence to back up the suppositions. As noted by other reviewers, it seems like just the writer's opinions based on clinical observation. In the year 2018 we all know how biased and off base our opinions can be so I am surprised the authors did not seek to confirm more of their opinions in scientific study of their hypothesis. ( )

Some great ideas in here. Think about relationships and positive attachment through connection as helping an adolescent grow up in a safe environment. Peer pressure might be positive, but why leave it to chance. ( )

Just started it, no surprise here. For years "professionals" have told us how to parent our kids and kids are not better off for it. Glad I didn't listen.Attachment parenting validated, nice for a change. ( )

I was disappointed in this book, which had such amazing reviews on Amazon. While I agreed with the authors' overall premise about the importance of attachment relationships with parents and adults throughout childhood, I just could not go as far as he did about the insidious nature of childhood friends. He does not believe that children are developmentally mature enough to have friends in the sense that adults define them - this may be true of some children, but the authors fail to provide any wiggle room for kids who may fall somewhere outside of normal developmental models. He also does not believe that "spirited" or "intense" children exist outside of failed attachment relationships . . . as the mama of a so-called gifted kid who is a poster child for Dabrowski's excitabilities (the good and the bad), I just didn't appreciate being called on the carpet for what he perceives as allowing peers to influence my kid while I have lost my natural authority to parent. It rubbed me the wrong way as a homeschooling, supportive and - pretty damn attached - parent.

That being said, some of his "connect then redirect" tips in the third part of the book. ( )